At the beginning of every new year everybody does the same old thing, make New Year’s resolutions. I quit participating in this annual ritual some years back, but this year, I’m diving right back in again. This new year is going to be the beginning of a new me! New do, that’s number one, because I thought that I could embrace the silver and rock that, but uhm, no… not liking that at all. Losing weight is number two, big surprise there! 😂 Seriously though, I’ve been a size 5 forever and now I’m not even close, haven’t been for the last couple of years and I’m not liking that either! Change of attitude is number three… I’m not sure which direction I’m going with that one, I just know it needs tweaking a bit. Am I too soft? Too brash? I think my temper maybe needs to be checked somewhat. Perhaps snarky with a big dash of not really giving a flip which in turn will make me a happier camper which will result in me actually being nicer when I should be, but tougher when I need to be. Yep, that sounds good! Number four is that I definitely need to stop procrastinating, now that’s a really bad habit. I get easily bored and if it’s not stimulating to my brain, I really just don’t want to do it, whatever it is. Something I want to learn about? I’ll study it for hours on end. Some kind of electronic glitch? I can sit there all day long trying one thing after another until I finally figure it out. I do love a challenge and a puzzle! Any new game, recipe or whatever, I’m going to do it and keep doing it until I get completely burned out on it. No half measures for me! 😃 Number five, hummm, let’s see… I think I’m going to finally figure out what it is that I want to do with my life and I’m just going to do it! No more playing that waiting game, hoping for the perfect time to make things happen, I’ve got to be the one to make it happen! I always tell myself someday, but I’m running out of days and so someday may never come. I want to get my motorcycle license and not always just ride on the back, can’t do that sitting my butt on the couch! I want to start a full time business, be my own boss and be the one to call the shots, can’t do that spending all my free time on social media. I want to DO something, but I let myself get complacent and I use the crutch that now is not the right time. So when is the right time? It is NOW, right now, the right time is as soon as possible, but I’ve got to stop procrastinating, I’ve got to change my attitude, and that new hair color and weight loss plan would definitely help to give my spirits a boost! 😉 All of this would help to push me in the right direction of where I want to be… CARPE DIEM!!!
Our 8 year old puppy hasn’t been feeling well and my honey was laying down next to him on the floor, stroking him, petting him, talking to him soothingly and I thought “You know, that’s really sweet, I never get petted like that when I don’t feel so good, I’d like to be babied like that.” and I remembered back to the various aches and pains and cruds that I’ve been through that I’ve pretty much suffered with alone, but right on the heels of that thought was an epiphany, the squeaky wheel gets the grease. When our furbaby doesn’t feel well, it’s so obvious and of course all you want to do is love him up and make him feel better. I on the other hand have a tendency to not so much hide it as to ignore it, push through it, keep going in spite of it. No weakness here! Oh no, nothing’s gonna keep me down, I’m Superwoman! Right? No, not as right as I’d like it to be. I am the way I am because I don’t know how to be any other way. “You’re so strong!” I often hear, but I don’t always feel strong or in control, I just don’t know how not to keep treading water because I’m afraid that I’ll drown. So I keep swimming, keep pushing, keep fighting through, no whimpering, just focusing on the next step that I need to make. I never ask for help, that one is definitely on me. If I can do it myself, or feel reasonably (or even unreasonably) sure that I can figure it out, I’m on it. If something horrible happens and someone is trying to show me sympathy or compassion, I have to walk away from them, it’s the only way I can maintain the tight control that I have over my emotions, I refuse to cry. It’s usually the same when I’m angry, I walk away until I can once again regain the composure that I normally possess. Don’t help me! Don’t touch me! Keep your distance! Doesn’t sound like someone that wants to be petted does it? Growls can be deceiving, especially when your hackles are raised, but isn’t that just a defense? What animal doesn’t respond to kindness once they learn it’s not a ruse? So maybe I should try to be a little softer, more accessible, just let down my guard a little and allow that soft underbelly to be exposed and touched, just maybe. Pet me and give me a treat, we’ll see…
So I have this quirk, it’s not a bad thing really, but it makes my boyfriend super crazy! I like to hang out in my bedroom. I guess it’s one of those introverted things, but I look at it like this, it’s my comfy zone. Remember when you were a kid? Where did you spend most of your time when you weren’t outside harassing nature with your loud exuberance? In your bedroom, happily playing with your toys, listening to music or just curled up on your bed with a good book. My room was my space, my castle, my cave, period. Go to your room and shut the door and you’ve successfully blocked out all of the drama and petty annoyances that are usually associated with coexisting with other people. Peace and quiet, ahhh… So this is a personal tradition that I’ve pretty much carried with me throughout much of my adult life, I even indoctrinated my children when they got older! (Not really, they were doing that already all on their own…) We each had our own “apartment” and the rest of the house was “shared space” that everyone was responsible for. Everyone cleaned up their own mess after themselves, which wasn’t a problem because everyone pretty much just stayed in their own apartment! Knock knock, “Hey Mom, what ya doing?” “Playing Farmville, what’s up?” The child then proceeds to plop on my bed. “Nothing much, what’s for dinner?” “Spaghetti I’m thinking. Sound good?” “Sure…” “Wanna play some chess?” “Nah, not really, I just wanted to say hey.” “You mean you wanted to say that you’re getting hungry.” “Yeah well, something like that.” “Hint taken, I’m on it” sigh… But my children are all grown now and have moved out into the world to carve out their own little piece of it and it’s just me and my babe. I still like to hang out in my room, but he just doesn’t get it. “It’s not healthy.” “Why isn’t it? It’s the same air in every room and just as many windows to let the sun in.” “It’s not normal.” “Not normal for who? Many people feel the exact same way that I do, that makes it quite normal.” “You’re being antisocial.” “So? Your point being?” And that brings us right back to the NO DRAMA part… So maybe it’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but hey, it keeps me happy! It makes me the well rounded, happy go lucky, gregarious ball of sunshine that I am! (Stop snickering…)
Now I know the very first thing that pops into your head is “Cuter than a speckled pup sitting in a red wagon!” I’m going to tell you straight up… not only have I never heard a true southerner say this in my entire life, but I find it insulting every time I hear it from some outsider trying to be funny. You’re not funny, not even a little, there I said it! (I knew this one girl that would always say something about squirrels when she saw me, she thought she was being obnoxiously clever. If you ask me, I think she had a few squirrels running loose in her hayloft!) Now I will admit that our speech is different in a colorful kinda way, but I like it, it has character. There’s absolutely no mistaking one of us when you run across us, that southern drawl is unique! Now here are some of the things that we really do say…
“Bless your heart” Probably one of the most famous that we have. It’s used to show both sympathy and exasperation, depending upon the recipient.
“Fixin’ to” This means I’m about to, sometimes with an added, just give me a darn minute! Which brings us to…
“Hold your horses” The previously mentioned, wait a minute.
“I reckon” This means I think or I guess. “I reckon so” means I suppose I agree. This application is often used by husbands to avoid a fight.
“Worn slap out” Means tired to the bone, completely weary or when applied to an inanimate object, can mean used beyond repair. “After shelling all them beans, I’m worn slap out!”
“I’ll jerk a knot in your tail” Often used by mothers toward their offspring. 😮 If you heard this, buddy you were in trouble.
“Colder than a well diggers butt” That’s pretty dang cold! Or another one meaning the same thing…
“It’s colder than a witch’s tit in a brass bra”
“My dogs are hollering” Which means your feet hurt!
“Well I swanee” Meaning “well I’ll be” or “I’ll be darned”. (I don’t know how it originated.) 🤔
“If you can’t run with the big dogs, you best stay on the porch” I love this one! I’ve used it more than a few times when I was younger and feeling cocky. I think you get the meaning.
“Over yonder” Now that could be 10 feet or 10 miles! Yonder is anywhere that isn’t right where you are. You can add way, as in “Way over yonder” and that’s a further piece away than just yonder!
A few choice words and phrases are as follows:
I’ll cut your tail.
Bless your pea-picking heart.
I wouldn’t p*ss on him if he was on fire.
Sticks in your throat like a hair in a biscuit.
You’re so full of sh*t your eyes are brown.
As nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rockers.
Too big for your britches.
Full as a tick.
I’ll snatch you bald.
So I hope you guys had as much fun reading these as I did jotting them down! Catch ya’ll later! 😃
I have some terrible news my friends, I’m simply devastated, I’m dying… By my own calculations, I only have about 5 months, 3 weeks and 6 days to live. Last night I went on the internet and googled my symptoms, now I’ve lost all hope, I have tinnitus and it’s driving me crazy! Some of the possible causes are vascular malformations, atherosclerosis (hardening of the arteries) and brain tumors, a lot of big words, but what all of this says to me is death! Of course it says to be checked out by your personal physician, but who can afford it? Google is so much cheaper! I will miss you all my wonderful friends (both of you) and beloved family! I’ve just about completed the writing of my will. I leave my fur babies in the gentle hands of my significant other, (they won’t mind, they like him better anyway) and my clothes and other personal treasures, I’m arranging for pick-up by a local charity, that way my children won’t have to argue over who’s going to get stuck with it all. I want my ashes stored in a lovely blue wine bottle that I’ve recently emptied. There now, I believe I’ve thought of just about every contingency. Oh woe is me!
I always tell myself that tomorrow is another day, that it will be a better day and most of the time I do believe it. That when I wake up, I won’t hate the world and feel like crap. That I’ll be just a little more clever and much better at my job. That somehow I’ll find more hours to accomplish something constructive and that I’ll actually have the desire to do it! That tomorrow I’ll be thinner, younger looking, more energetic, that I’ll take time to actually put on a little makeup and paint my nails, maybe even take up yoga. Tomorrow I’m going to work on that tan that I desperately need. Tomorrow I’m actually going to leave the house and maybe go shopping and convince myself to enjoy it (I literally HATE shopping, mostly because of the crowds and the check out lines). My closet is screaming to be organized (my fat clothes are all mixed in with the skinny ones), my kitty definitely needs a good grooming and my pepper plant is starting to resent me from the lack of attention (I swear it waits for me to walk by and it flings fallen leaves at me). All of these things I’ll do tomorrow, well, maybe some of them, okay, one thing, at least get one thing done that I can cross off my list for at least another 24 hours. Another day comes and goes, where does all the time go? But there’s always tomorrow…
So, recently working as a telemarketer, I’ve learned a little something regarding human behavior and phone etiquette and it’s this, PEOPLE ARE NOSY! (and rude I might add, but I already knew that.) There are times when I run across a wrong number, (although the one I hit on today that was actually the Sheriffs Dept, I’m pretty sure that was purposefully set as an ambush. Does someone think there’s an actual phone police maybe?) and it almost never fails, they still want to know who you are. “Hi Jane, my name is Lacey and I’m calling on behalf of yadda yadda yadda.” “There’s no Jane here.” *Me squinting at the computer screen* “My apologies, I was looking for either Mr. or Mrs. Smith, is this a good number for them? “They don’t live here.” *Me* “Yes ma’am, I do apologize for bothering you, have a great day!” “Wait! Who is this?!” *Me* “Again, sorry I bothered you, goodbye.” So at this point, all I want is to hang up so I can continue to my next call, the timer is ticking! “I SAID, WHO IS THIS?!” Wait, what? You just said that I had the wrong number, therefore my intended call has absolutely nothing to do with you. So #1, why do you care who I am and #2, why do you seem to care so vehemently that you’re now literally yelling at me? I’m telling you folks, phone-call warriors! If I was standing right in front of them, would their behavior be different? I.. think.. so.. I may be kinda small, but I’m scrappy! Peace out! 🙂
Well alrighty then, just got power back about 4 hours ago, it’s been out since yesterday afternoon. No lights, no air conditioning, no internet! 😮 You learn real quick what’s important to you. (My cellphone, my laptop and my vape.) I did have the option to go somewhere else, but I couldn’t do that to my furbabies. They were already freaked out from all the wind and rain and since both of them are rescues, they get skittish real easy. The best thing for both of them was to just hunker down, stay put and tough it out right here at home. So Hurricane Florence, she was projected to run me right over here in NC, but thank the Almighty, she veered and I didn’t quite catch the force of it that I was expecting, but still, it’s bad enough. Still lots of rain and the wind is yowling around the windows, but at least now I’m not lighting candles to find my way to the bathroom and sweating like a whore in church because it’s over 80 degrees inside! The babies seem to have calmed a bit as well since closing the windows, (I know, but I was dying!) and having the normal sound of the TV and whatnot in the background. There’s all kinds of flooding going on, but since I’m not going anywhere, I should be okay, also everything’s closed down anyway. Good thing I have plenty of Mt Dew and bologna! (and a blow-up raft if it comes down to it.) I cooked bacon and eggs on our gas grill this morning, actually turned out pretty decent, and grilled chicken on a salad for dinner, yummy! I’m an expert at scavenging and survival, so feel free to look me up when we have that zombie apocalypse! 🙂
So my job for the past month has been as a remote political fundraiser/ telemarketer. I know I know, but it’s a job okay? A paycheck that I can collect while I’m still in my pajamas. So in my opinion I’m not really good at it because everyone has a financial sob story and of course I’m always like “It’s okay, I’m so sorry, oh you poor thing!” Needless to say that this is not the response expected of me from my employer, but what are you going to do. Worse still are the very politically opinionated persons that I run across that you can literally hear the saliva exploding from their face as they work themselves up into an ever growing frenzy and want to scream at me, the schmuck on the other end of their phone line. So apparently I’m supposed to have President Trump on speed dial so that I can tell him personally what a crappy job they think he’s doing (like he would really listen to me anyway) along with Chuck Schumer, Paul Ryan and Nancy Pelosi. Why yes of course! The very next time we have afternoon tea. I promise! Give me a break people. The kindest thing you can do for a telemarketer is to just hang up, because we’re not allowed to, but we really want to. Trust me. But make sure you’ve been on the phone for at least 30 seconds though or you’ll just be logged as a redial…
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