So I sat down today determined to write about something, but I really wasn’t sure what it was that I wanted to address. There’s a number of things that have been running through my mind, some I would like to share, more still that I wouldn’t for various reasons.
I’ve been thinking a lot about loyalty lately. There are those who love me and a couple of these people are fiercely loyal, but most of them not so much. To some extent this has been bothering me, but I finally came to the realization that it’s not a matter of the depth of feeling, it’s more a matter of strength. My babygirl loves me to the moon and I believe that if I were to tell her that someone was bothering me, she would happily walk over to them and rip off their face! (Not literally of course, but the feeling would be there… 😏) Now she’s a strong minded woman with a very big heart and there’s no doubt that she loves her mama! <3 I myself am very strong, (not sure where that comes from, inherited genes and being extremely stubborn probably contributes) and I’ll fight for the ones I love, especially if I think they’re not in a position to fight for themselves, (which says a lot because I hate confrontation and drama). So anyway, I’ve been turning this over in my mind and I figured out that it’s a matter of strength. Not physical strength, not even mental strength, it’s an inner strength that can’t be faked, can’t be forced, maybe can’t even be learned, it’s just a part of who you are. I’ve always believed in taking the high road rather than taking the easy route and it bothers me to no end for anyone to be able to hold anything over my head, which is why I believe in paying my own way and not owing anything to anyone. (Do I trust you enough to give you that power?) Now this brings me to my epiphany, not everyone has that personal steeliness. I love you, but do me wrong and I can walk away without looking back and continue on with my life, this goes for anybody, family or friend, but I’m learning that there are people that love differently. They apparently don’t want to upset the applecart in any way these people. Why can’t we all just be friends? Live and let live? Grin and bear it? Sing kumbaya? I’m all for that, don’t get me wrong, don’t bother me and I certainly won’t bother you, but what if someone does bother me? I believe I have the right to stand up for myself and nobody should think that they have the authority to take that away from me. Are you standing up for me? No, then sit your butt down and I’ll stand up for myself (which is necessary to me because I’m nobody’s doormat). I think it’s a definition difference. Loyalty to me is always standing by someone I love, even when they’re wrong, (but I’ll definitely tell them why they’re wrong in private), taking up for them when someone has something to say behind their back that I don’t agree with (and I probably won’t even tell them what I did because what purpose would it serve other than to upset them) and not going along with the crowd when I know those actions will be hurtful, (being accepted by everybody isn’t important to me). Loyalty doesn’t mean that you have to choose to love one and not another, it doesn’t mean that you should beat up everybody that looks at your loved one sideways and it definitely doesn’t mean butting into your loved one’s problems uninvited. That’s not loyalty, that’s just being silly. Stand up to the injustice done to someone you love, it’s as simple as that.
Now for an example, there have been upsets within my own family and in some instances when it involved me, I’ve actually made it clear that I didn’t want sides to be taken. After one particular altercation, my babygirl, she never turned her back on them, but she did still tell them that they were wrong, she stood up for me! Now that’s my idea of loyalty. Maybe I’m wrong, my thinking may be skewed, but I believe that you should never give anyone the power to dictate your actions, whether they’re using love, guilt, money or whatever leverage they think that they have to hold over your head. You love who you choose with an honest heart and clear head and in so doing, you’re free to speak your mind and do the right thing.