Posted on Leave a comment

What Is Loyalty

So I sat down today determined to write about something, but I really wasn’t sure what it was that I wanted to address. There’s a number of things that have been running through my mind, some I would like to share, more still that I wouldn’t for various reasons.
I’ve been thinking a lot about loyalty lately. There are those who love me and a couple of these people are fiercely loyal, but most of them not so much. To some extent this has been bothering me, but I finally came to the realization that it’s not a matter of the depth of feeling, it’s more a matter of strength. My babygirl loves me to the moon and I believe that if I were to tell her that someone was bothering me, she would happily walk over to them and rip off their face! (Not literally of course, but the feeling would be there… 😏) Now she’s a strong minded woman with a very big heart and there’s no doubt that she loves her mama! <3 I myself am very strong, (not sure where that comes from, inherited genes and being extremely stubborn probably contributes) and I’ll fight for the ones I love, especially if I think they’re not in a position to fight for themselves, (which says a lot because I hate confrontation and drama). So anyway, I’ve been turning this over in my mind and I figured out that it’s a matter of strength. Not physical strength, not even mental strength, it’s an inner strength that can’t be faked, can’t be forced, maybe can’t even be learned, it’s just a part of who you are. I’ve always believed in taking the high road rather than taking the easy route and it bothers me to no end for anyone to be able to hold anything over my head, which is why I believe in paying my own way and not owing anything to anyone. (Do I trust you enough to give you that power?) Now this brings me to my epiphany, not everyone has that personal steeliness. I love you, but do me wrong and I can walk away without looking back and continue on with my life, this goes for anybody, family or friend, but I’m learning that there are people that love differently. They apparently don’t want to upset the applecart in any way these people. Why can’t we all just be friends? Live and let live? Grin and bear it? Sing kumbaya? I’m all for that, don’t get me wrong, don’t bother me and I certainly won’t bother you, but what if someone does bother me? I believe I have the right to stand up for myself and nobody should think that they have the authority to take that away from me. Are you standing up for me? No, then sit your butt down and I’ll stand up for myself (which is necessary to me because I’m nobody’s doormat). I think it’s a definition difference. Loyalty to me is always standing by someone I love, even when they’re wrong, (but I’ll definitely tell them why they’re wrong in private), taking up for them when someone has something to say behind their back that I don’t agree with (and I probably won’t even tell them what I did because what purpose would it serve other than to upset them) and not going along with the crowd when I know those actions will be hurtful, (being accepted by everybody isn’t important to me). Loyalty doesn’t mean that you have to choose to love one and not another, it doesn’t mean that you should beat up everybody that looks at your loved one sideways and it definitely doesn’t mean butting into your loved one’s problems uninvited. That’s not loyalty, that’s just being silly. Stand up to the injustice done to someone you love, it’s as simple as that.
Now for an example, there have been upsets within my own family and in some instances when it involved me, I’ve actually made it clear that I didn’t want sides to be taken. After one particular altercation, my babygirl, she never turned her back on them, but she did still tell them that they were wrong, she stood up for me! Now that’s my idea of loyalty. Maybe I’m wrong, my thinking may be skewed, but I believe that you should never give anyone the power to dictate your actions, whether they’re using love, guilt, money or whatever leverage they think that they have to hold over your head. You love who you choose with an honest heart and clear head and in so doing, you’re free to speak your mind and do the right thing.

Lacey ☮

Posted on Leave a comment

Break The Cycle

So I’m trolling on Facebook, something I do about 30 minutes of every day and I follow a few different animal sites, so I get more than my fair share of furbaby pics. Well there’s this video of “Hero dog won’t leave his friend” and it REALLY ticks me off. This poor dog has been hit by a train and is laying helpless on the tracks while another dog stands over him, now that is beautiful, animals showing pure love, BUT who is this *sshat filming it and why hasn’t he done something to help? Especially when yet ANOTHER train comes and the dog is cowering on the tracks and his friend is forced to stand to the side until the train passes. I saw pure red, I was so mad… So I leave the following comment,
“This is disgusting!!! Help the freaking dog, don’t stand there filming it!!! NOBODY SHARE THIS CRAP!!! Take away their 15 minutes of fame!!!”
Of course I didn’t really expect to make a difference, but at least I put in my two cents worth. There! Take that! Feel the heat of my wrath in words because I’m not actually there to smack the crap out of you! Well well, somebody left me a comment, big surprise there, another chest thumping dumb*ss. She said “read my post”, so I did and this is what she said verbatim,
“He did explain the male dog was protecting the female dog so made rescuing difficult, it was only after a few days that he allowed the rescue home to help. The guy filming was actually filming just before the rescue.”
Well I’ll be! That just changes EVERYTHING! I’m so sorry! NOT!!! You sh*t for brains! (And never mind the “home for help” part. Huh?) So I replied,
“I read your post, I stand by what I said. It doesn’t take days to effect a rescue, ask any vet that has used a tranquilizer.”
I was polite and concise although I still seethed inside. I have this reaction to a lot of the senseless posts that I sometimes see and I’ve run the risk of upsetting some friends when they happen to be the unfortunate ones to share said posts. Like one I saw a couple of months ago, shared by someone actually pretty dear to me, it was a poor dog that had duct taped mouth and feet. The caption was “Scroll by if you’re heartless, share if you would help me.” I know she meant well, she’s an animal lover that goes out of her way to help homeless animals, but she wasn’t seeing the big picture which is, “Why the h*ll are you taking pictures instead of doing something? Are you the monster that did this just so you could take a freaking picture? So I blasted the post, not her specifically, but the stupid picture, she didn’t hold it against me. Whew… There’s a lot of this going on, cruelty to animals just so somebody can get their “15 minutes of fame”. Don’t perpetuate the cycle, if you don’t share it, it will die a quiet death and eventually people will stop doing this kind of stuff because they’re not getting the desired attention. Also perhaps it may help me to not be in a jail cell one day because if I ever see something and I actually have the opportunity to land my right hook instead of just my words, somebody’s going down!

Lacey ☮

Posted on Leave a comment

Pet Me…

Our 8 year old puppy hasn’t been feeling well and my honey was laying down next to him on the floor, stroking him, petting him, talking to him soothingly and I thought “You know, that’s really sweet, I never get petted like that when I don’t feel so good, I’d like to be babied like that.” and I remembered back to the various aches and pains and cruds that I’ve been through that I’ve pretty much suffered with alone, but right on the heels of that thought was an epiphany, the squeaky wheel gets the grease. When our furbaby doesn’t feel well, it’s so obvious and of course all you want to do is love him up and make him feel better. I on the other hand have a tendency to not so much hide it as to ignore it, push through it, keep going in spite of it. No weakness here! Oh no, nothing’s gonna keep me down, I’m Superwoman! Right? No, not as right as I’d like it to be. I am the way I am because I don’t know how to be any other way. “You’re so strong!” I often hear, but I don’t always feel strong or in control, I just don’t know how not to keep treading water because I’m afraid that I’ll drown. So I keep swimming, keep pushing, keep fighting through, no whimpering, just focusing on the next step that I need to make. I never ask for help, that one is definitely on me. If I can do it myself, or feel reasonably (or even unreasonably) sure that I can figure it out, I’m on it. If something horrible happens and someone is trying to show me sympathy or compassion, I have to walk away from them, it’s the only way I can maintain the tight control that I have over my emotions, I refuse to cry. It’s usually the same when I’m angry, I walk away until I can once again regain the composure that I normally possess. Don’t help me! Don’t touch me! Keep your distance! Doesn’t sound like someone that wants to be petted does it? Growls can be deceiving, especially when your hackles are raised, but isn’t that just a defense? What animal doesn’t respond to kindness once they learn it’s not a ruse? So maybe I should try to be a little softer, more accessible, just let down my guard a little and allow that soft underbelly to be exposed and touched, just maybe. Pet me and give me a treat, we’ll see…

Lacey ☮

Posted on Leave a comment

FOTBabies

Friends of Tennessee’s Babies with Special Needs… I recently had the opportunity to speak with one of the “Volunteers of the Year” at fotbabies.org and he was so passionate while speaking about the work that he’s been doing for this organization that I felt compelled to go and check it out. Of course he literally had no idea who I was, you know, fundraising telemarketer by day, blog writing introverted hippie by night! 😏 It’s a relatively simple little website, not secure and slow loading, but if you’re a little patient, it comes around and I’m definitely glad that I waited for it. Their vision statement is “Connecting families with fellowship, resources and support- Because Babies Can’t Wait”, this touched my heart. They have a resource library that covers a variety of topics and family issues ranging from guides to helping families with hearing impaired or blind children to meditation for moms and devotional readings. You can watch welcome videos of events and testimonials and see how these people really care about kids come shining through. They offer programs and services which include respite care, loaner hearing aids, emergency and bereavement support. They have something they call “Hospital Collaboration”, it’s care Packages to families who have premature babies in the NICU at Children’s Hospital, also quarterly baby showers at Children’s Hospital and UT Medical Center for families who have babies in the NICU. Now I don’t live in Tennessee, but if I did and had small children, I’d be feeling grateful to know that these guys were there if I were to run into trouble. fotbabies.org is entirely nonprofit and operates solely on grants and donations. They have a PayPal set up that is secure if anyone cares to donate and they have a mailing address as well
Friends of Tennessee’s Babies With Special Needs
P.O. Box 544
Alcoa, TN 37701-0544

So go right ahead and check it out and if you happen to have a spare dollar or two, I’m sure that it would be appreciated!  👩‍👧‍👦

Lacey ☮

Posted on Leave a comment

Sorry State Of Affairs

Do you ever just get in one of those moods? I haven’t felt like myself all day today, just kinda achy and stressed and I feel just really really tired. So after I finally clocked out (thank goodness because I was at the point of wanting to reach through my computer and rip somebody’s face off) and moved all of that paraphernalia off of my bed (which is where I work), I went and helped out with the dinner that my honey was preparing. So scarfing down a couple of soft tacos and washing it down with a beer, I then took care of the leftovers, (and by taking care of, I actually mean throwing everything into one bowl for a pseudo taco salad for lunch tomorrow) while he loaded up the dishwasher. Then I disappeared into the bedroom (nothing new there) and found a movie on cable that I never intended to watch while I caught up on my social media. Still feeling crappy, the tension tight between my shoulder blades and my lower back hurting from all of the ungodly positions I kept squirming into all day trying to get comfortable while I was doing my telemarketing thing, I decided to take a hot shower, letting the water beat on me for a while and hopefully relieving some of the ache. Pop Evil is blaring on my Spotify, (rocking out is my usual go to stress reliever), which signals to those that know me that I’m in a mood and today’s mood being that I’m miserable and I keep swinging between abject despair and a silent seething rage. Now I’ve found that it’s hard to get a good grip on either of these emotions with one counterbalancing the other, not able to plumb the full depths of sadness that will result in a good cry and feeling better, not able to quench the rage by lashing out and dispelling the bitter adrenaline. It’s a sorry state of affairs that I find myself in. So there’s nothing else to do but call it a night (aka tossing and turning in bed) and hope that the morning will bring a miraculous change of spirit.

Lacey ☮

Posted on 2 Comments

God Got Me!

pexels-photo-208001

We all go through rough patches in life, we have accidents, heartache and mayhem and I know that I’ve certainly had my share, but my most used and favorite saying is “God got me” because I sincerely believe this with my whole heart. Now I work and struggle and run around, trying as hard as I can to do the best that I can because I believe He expects me to. You can’t just sit on your butt and expect to be spoon fed like a toddler, you have to get out there and try! You do your best and He’ll take care of the rest. So every time I run into that wall or am confused about which path to take, there He is, giving me a gentle nudge that gets me going in the right direction. The key to this though is to trust and to listen. You have to trust that God will always catch you and listen to that little voice inside because mostly He only whispers. I give Him credit for all of my best ideas and I’m certainly grateful for every time He just reached right out and saved me, because these times have been numerous. By all accounts, I should no longer be walking this earth, but here I am, still going strong! FAITH, I have faith in my Father and no fear, only gratitude and love. Why should a child be afraid of their father? No reason! I try to make Him happy because I want to make Him proud of me, not because I’m afraid of anything. Sometimes I wish that I could just share all of the thoughts and knowledge that I have using a vulcan mind meld, (yep I was a trekkie) so people could understand exactly why I feel the way that I do, because the way I feel inside is liberating! I am loved! I am safe! Someone wants the best for me and helps me in every way imaginable. I’ve been broken and trampled, but He always lifts me up and puts me back together. I’ve been lost and confused, but He always guides me out of the darkness. I never say “God why are you doing this to me?” because He didn’t do anything to me, someone or something else did and He loves me enough to stroke my fevered brow and make me whole again. God got me! Even with all my shortcomings and weaknesses, He still has my back, the best friend I ever had. God has you too, just trust Him enough to listen…

Lacey ☮

Posted on Leave a comment

Feel Safe

pexels-photo-670003

If it makes you feel safe, then do it. It doesn’t matter who laughs at you or who looks at you disdainfully, if it helps you to find inner peace, then just do it. I have a thing where I “secure the perimeter” every night before I go to bed. I check every door to make sure they’re locked and all the lights are out except for some little shine peeking out from
somewhere in every room that I have an occasion to walk through. If there are people in my home overnight (even my mom), I have to have my bedroom door shut, I still hear every sound, but not as intense. I’m the last one to go to sleep because I listen for the quiet, making sure that no one goes behind me and undoes any of my nightly “work”. When we go out, I don’t sit with my back to the door and I carry my purse and jacket with me everywhere. I always lock my car, no exceptions, every time I park it. These are some of the things that make me feel safe and I do these things religiously because it puts my mind at ease and I can relax and focus on other things. It helps me to have a normal life. You deserve as normal a life as you can possibly have as well. If it brings you peace of mind then do it. Don’t let anxiety take away precious moments if it can be prevented. Do you need that particular pillow or fuzzy blanket to get a good night’s sleep? Then by all means, have it, even if you’re staying overnight somewhere and it perhaps makes someone raise an eyebrow. You can’t resist the urge to check 2 or 3 (dozen) times that the door is actually locked when you go out? Then rattle that knob baby! And then go on and enjoy your outing with an easy mind. The point being, everyone is different and everybody has their own little quirks, some are just more apparent than others. You deserve as good a life as you can possibly live, without apologies, without shame or guilt, full of happiness and blessed peace. <3

Lacey ☮

Posted on Leave a comment

It’s Raining Mensa…

photo-1526285592708-e83cf5365929

“There’s a fine line between genius and insanity…” – Oscar Levant

Psychologists have discovered that creative people have a gene in common (called neuregulin 1) which is also linked to psychosis and depression. I’ve always loved this quote and wholeheartedly believed it to be true, now scientists are providing proof! I found this interesting and wanted to share because I think this applies to a lot of people, probably some that you yourself know, maybe even you!
When I was in grade school, I already had the IQ of an adult, when I got older older, it was at a steady 136-137, just short of the required 140 for Mensa, a group I desperately wanted to be a part of. Why you ask? A couple of different reasons really. The main one being because I know I’m extremely intelligent, but nobody seems to want to take me seriously because… I have a southern accent? I don’t have a slew of degrees? I’m female and put being a mother first? I really don’t know why someone would look down on me, just assume that I lack in the cerebrum area, but I run into it a lot and it really ticks me off! I don’t want to continually justify what rattles around in my noggin, while others are treated like gold drips off their tongue every time they open their mouth, so it would be a much desired affirmation for me. The other reason was purely selfish, I WANTED IN! I became like a dog with a bone, testing my IQ over and over again because I wanted to belong with this elite group of individuals, be accepted into something special, I guess kind of like wanting to pledge to a sorority. I still want it, but I’ve accepted that I’m just not Mensa material and I’ve stopped trying, (I never took the official Mensa test because you only get one shot at it), but now on the other side of the coin, I truly enjoy my quirkiness. I make people laugh and think and feel something deep down inside. All my life I’ve heard “You’re weird, you’re crazy” and my all time favorite, “You just ain’t right!” I like that I’m different, that I’m truly an individual with divergent ideas. People need to realize that different isn’t bad, it isn’t wrong, it’s just, well, different! One of my favorite sayings is “If we were all the same, what a boring world this would be!” and I’m anything but dull, (unless I’m on my best behavior and not being the real me, now THAT’S boring). I have bad days, when it’s hard to live inside of my own skin, like when I get really tired and my thoughts get wonky. My mind doesn’t say sleep, it says give up, give in, just let go and this isn’t mentally or emotionally healthy, but I slog my way through it and eventually it does get better. Sleep, water (I consume way too much caffeine in lieu of this) and positive mental stimulation helps tremendously. Anger is a great motivator, but it burns up your reserves too quickly and then you crash, HARD, it’s kind of like a sugar rush. If you ever find me just sitting in the shower until the water runs cold, then you know that something isn’t right in my inner world. I don’t know why being pelted with a continual deluge of warm spray helps, but it does, it makes me feel a little better. So anyway, the next time someone tells you that you’re different or odd, say “Thank you!” and know that you’re probably 10x smarter than they are!

Lacey ☮

Posted on Leave a comment

Labels

pexels-photo-1148998.jpeg

Labels, I hate labels, why does most everyone feel the need to slap a label on everything and more importantly, everyone? I have problems, some bad wiring in the melon, but don’t label me. I have depression, OCD and ADD, but that’s not WHO I am, they’re only glitches in my genetic makeup (part of my charm and sassy wit)! That doesn’t mean you need to take away my shoestrings so that I don’t fashion some kind of makeshift garrote for myself. By the same token, this applies to others as well. I’ve been thinking about this recently because of someone very near and dear to my heart who has a few “glitches” as well, someone beautiful both inside and out, but isn’t necessarily classified as “normal”. This young man is off the charts intelligent, but just a little different from the average guy. He never spoke a word until he was 2 years old and then had to go through years of speech therapy. So depression, anxiety and ADHD only scrape the surface. I learned from a very wise lady doctor about labels years ago when my son was asthmatic and she said to me, “We’re going to try a different approach to his treatment because you don’t want him to be labeled as having asthma, it will affect the quality of his life because he’ll be limited as to what he’ll be allowed to participate in.” Meaning, when you’re labeled, you become pigeonholed and truer words have never been spoken. So he wasn’t “labeled” as having asthma and he subsequently actually outgrew it and went on to be on the high-school wrestling team. So now back to the other thing, this young man has all the indications of having high functioning autism, but I’ve refused to acknowledge it and have discouraged him from wandering too far down the path to have it legitimized because I DO NOT want that label placed on him. He’s smart and funny and lovable, and he has a tremendous future ahead of him, but the path is just going to be a little more crooked to get there and with a lot of love and support, he will get there! Already, being labeled as having ADHD (this was out of my hands) has affected him, he wanted to join the Marines at one time and they wouldn’t take him because of it, they said he had to be off of his meds for at least a year. Can you imagine the ramifications if he were Autistic? I don’t treat him any different, I expect great things of him and I’m quite confident that he’ll come through. I refuse to let him use his problems as any kind of an excuse not to try, or for anyone else to use it as an excuse to hold him back. Labels suck! The bottom line is that nobody’s perfect, even the ones that like to believe that they are. You! Yes you, guy with all the diplomas on the wall, with your twitchy eye and wrinkled suit, you’re not perfect either!

Lacey ☮

Posted on Leave a comment

Stubborn Old Ladies

old-people-couple-together-connected

So day before yesterday, about 7 in the evening, my mom started blowing up my cell phone. I had volunteered to work over so I just kept cutting off the ringer, but her face continued to dance across my screen over and over. Groaning inside, wondering who had died because of her persistence, I delayed calling her back until after I had clocked out and wolfed down a little dinner (it was after 8pm after all and I was starving!). So finally I called her back, it wasn’t Mom that answered, it was my stepdad, my mom had had a heart attack. It hit me a lot harder than I had ever imagined it would, I’ve pretty much become numb to death now, but the reality of the possibility was to say the least, unsettling. She had refused to stay in the hospital so she was home, sitting in her worn out overstuffed old lady chair, huddled under blankets, very much alive. I talked to her for only a few minutes, which was a red flag right there that she didn’t feel well and you would know that if you have EVER had the opportunity to chat with her. I called her again yesterday after work to check up on her and she sounded like her old chipper self again, sitting in front of the TV, munching on a cookie. Yay! But then another groan, she kept me on the phone for almost an hour, hence why I try to avoid her calls and limit our conversation to only once a week or so. I keep telling her she needs to learn how to text, she’d hear more from all of my brood, but she’s old fashioned I guess (But Mom, nobody TALKS anymore). So anyway, at least I know where I get my stubbornness from, I’ve had to sign that little paper before myself, the one that says you agree not to sue if you die because you ditched the hospital before they wanted you to. Mom said she had a mild heart attack, what the heck is a “mild” attack?! Your heart turns on you and causes serious problems, how can you ever conceivably call this mild? Not her first, but let’s hope her last. She said, “I may not make it through the night”, so I told her that she would positively outlive us all, but she had better keep her butt right there in that chair! She’s no spring chicken definitely, but I’ve gotten quite used to having her around, always there hovering somewhere in the background. She loves me, one of the few people in my life that I know for a fact will always love me and I love her, as crazy as she can make me sometimes and that’s probably the exact same thing my kids say about me! There’s not many of us left anymore. I tease my son and tell him that if he doesn’t have his own son one day, our family name dies with him, but no pressure! Of course I hope he waits for quite a while before he procreates, he’s only 22 and still not settled into life, but it is the truth, he is the last hope, it’s a little sad really, but I haven’t given up. There’s always a tomorrow for us all, even stubborn old ladies!

Lacey ☮