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Secrets

I have my secrets you’ll never see
But if you knew, you’d understand me
For I don’t act like you’d expect
I see things different from all the rest
I live my life the way I choose
From my experience I draw my views
I’m not shaped the way you are
Because of secrets I travel far
Outside the norm, my life is shrouded
Although mysterious, my vision’s not clouded
So don’t feel bad if you can not see
The things I do and you misjudge me
I’m now resigned to the way things go
I’m often doubted but I won’t show
That I do care about what you think
You’ll never know I’m on the brink
Of falling apart most every day
My secrets hurt and they’re here to stay
They’ve made me what I am right now
I can not change but I will not bow
My head in defeat, I will go on
Although it’s hard without someone
Who understands my heart’s not free
That my secrets are a part of me

*Lacey*

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She’s Not Here

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The girl you want, she now is gone
Went back inside to hide from harm
Too long she’s had her heart revealed
And from the pain, she must be healed
She is too soft and can’t defend
Herself from lies from all of men
She still believes in fairy tales
A handsome prince and love that dwells
Of course I know the way things are
To trust in man will leave a scar
I can’t be hurt, the one that’s strong
I’ll take her place, I’ll right her wrong
I will defend and let her hide
Until the time she can abide
To re-emerge and she can smile
When she finds life again worthwhile
But til she does, I’ll hide her fear
And tell the world that she’s not here

*Lacey*

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Can’t Rely On Another

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You say that you want to protect me
And keep me safe from the wolves at my door
You say that you want to take care of me
That I shouldn’t worry anymore

Forgive me if I don’t believe you
Though I know your intentions are good
But I’ve learned not to rely on another
To do all the things that they should

I’ve cared for myself for a long time
And that’s the way it’ll continue to be
Because I know it’s too hard to start over
When someone you lean on sets you free

You can still be a part of my life now
Your love, I’ll gladly accept
Just don’t demand I hand over the reins
To ask you for help, don’t expect

Maybe in time we’ll be partners
And with you, I’ll learn to share
The weight of the world on my shoulders
But til then, just show me you care

*Lacey*

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Running Into Walls

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My mind is plagued by frustration, always running into walls
Cold brick is not a nice sensation and neither are hard falls
It seems the harder I try to win, the more behind I stay
Blind alleys I walk, will never end, reality’s harsh in light of day
Turn left, turn right, the choice is mine, for all the difference it makes
Because someone will always draw a line, an invisible chain that never breaks
One step forward, two steps back, an inadequate parade
Castle dreaming in a shack, sweat on my brow, a charade
I’m always running into walls, it seems to be my fate
Perverse bad luck and haunted halls are the food upon my plate
It may be the same for everyone and they simply accept their lot
But I swear I’ll fight til my life is done, I refuse to be in time, forgot

*Lacey*

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Won’t See Me Cry

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Do you ever wonder why
It is that you never see me cry

I’m always such a happy thing
You can always hear my laughter ring

But I have a secret that I will share
My happiness isn’t always there

It’s just a front to keep from view
The sadness I want to hide from you

Will show no weakness, show no fear
Will hide the pain’s that always here

I have my reasons, it’s held inside
Only my pillow knows the tears I’ve cried

Cause I’m not as strong as I pretend to be
But my false bravado is all you’ll see

Being vulnerable is just too hard to bear
Instead of being sorry, they just don’t care

And then I felt foolish for letting them in
And the pain was intensified, still yet again

So you’ll never see the tears that will flow
I may be a fool, but only I’ll know

*Lacey*