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So in a rare moment of feeling sociable,  I agreed to help out someone and let them ask me some questions for their psychology class, no big deal, and it really wasn’t, but I did start it with a warning “Don’t ask me a direct question unless you really want a truthful answer.” You see I’ve managed to irritate quite a few people in my life by not issuing this disclaimer beforehand. So anyway, one of the questions was “What do you do that you find joy in?” I thought about it, I thought hard, digging around in my recent memories of my day to day life and my answer was… nothing. I have this website and I play a little Xbox before I go to bed and the Xbox has become more of a habit I think, something to distract me for a little while, because it’s not really fun anymore. I do enjoy my blog, but only to a point. I have great ideas when I lay down and try to sleep at night, they keep swirling around in my brain, there’s so many wonderful things that I envision for it that keeps me awake, but then when I actually sit down in front of my computer, the reality of it isn’t as easy. So the answer was really nothing and this sad look came over her face fleetingly, which made me feel kinda bad about it, but it was the truth. One thing that keeps me going is looking toward one day. That’s been my crutch for a lot of things for a long time. I see these really cool shoes (who doesn’t love new kicks?) that I know would look fabulous on me (I imagine), but I can’t afford them, so I tell myself that it’s okay, one day, I’ll have them. I hate my dead end job, but it’s okay for now because one day, I’ll find that dream job, I hate where I’m living, but it’s okay because one day, I’ll move somewhere better, my car is falling apart, but it’s okay because one day, I’ll have a new ride, etc. etc. you get the concept. The only problem is that I’m getting older now and I’m literally running out of days. How far away is one day? I don’t know, but it needs to be coming along here pretty shortly, along with time, I’m running out of steam as well, I’m getting tired folks, really tired. There is one thing that bothers me though, taking into consideration that whole “the grass is always greener” saying, if and when one day ever comes, will it be worth it? Will I still remember the dreams that I had? If I do remember and achieve them, will they still mean something to me…

Lacey ☮

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