Peeping Tom

There was this one time… me and a friend had gone out to a local bar for a few drinks, just to cut loose a little bit and relax and had just gotten back to my house (which was out in the middle of nowhere). We were laughing and joking, in a really great mood after our night out, but then I left her in the kitchen and went into the bathroom to take care of business. So I sit down on the toilet and just happen to look over toward the window, (you have to amuse yourself when you pee right?) and I see this big eyeball and the shadow of a head! So I let out a scream and quickly pull up my pants as I’m jumping up and running toward the kitchen while she’s running toward me and we meet in the middle of the living-room, “What is it? What’s wrong with you?” she’s all excited, ready to take me to the hospital or something. “Somebody’s looking in the window!” “What? Are you serious?” “No, I completely made it up and screamed for effect, of course I’m serious! Find a flashlight or something, let’s catch him!” I kept a flashlight in a little junk drawer in the kitchen, so I grabbed it and we ran outside around to the side of the house where I saw the offending eyeball. She’s on her cellphone to 911 and I’m shining the flashlight all over the house and the yard and… nothing, we’re seeing nothing. Finally a deputy pulls up and she wants to know what happened and she walks around shining her bigger flashlight and sees nothing too. Of course she doesn’t see anything, it takes so long for somebody to show up that he’s booked it, but still she looks at me sideways. “Have you been drinking?” she asked us. I said “Yep! and as soon as you leave, I’m going to have another one because I’ve now been scared sober!” No statements signed, no reports written, the deputy just shakes her head and before she leaves, she says “You girls stay inside and give us a call if he comes back.” Robin and I go back inside and she’s looking at me kind of indecisively, so I tell her “Go home, I’ll be fine.” and I really meant it, after the initial fright of being caught off guard, (who really expects somebody to be sneaking around and watching them pee) I wasn’t scared anymore. So she walks out with a lot of exclamations of, “Lock all the doors! Call if something happens! Be careful!” “Yeah yeah, I got this, you just be careful going home. See you at work tomorrow!” and I watch her back slowly out of the drive and disappear down the road. So now the adrenaline has wore off and the alcohol has kicked back in and I’m really tired, yep, I’m taking my butt to bed. Now there happens to be a door that opens to a tiny outside porch in my bedroom, (I think my room used to be used as an office) and I decorated the little porch with flower pots and I had a wind-chime that would tinkle softly. It was really cute with it’s old ornate metal railing and having no close neighbors, I would often leave the door open to catch the breeze coming in through the locked screen door as I lay in bed at night. This night however, of course I closed the wooden door and made sure it was secure before climbing into bed and fell into a deep sleep almost immediately. What, what was that? I hear the wind-chime, but it’s not the soft ringing I’m accustomed to, this was a loud sudden clanging and then complete silence. The scumbag had come back and was on my porch! Evidently he had hit the wind-chime trying to peek in through my bedroom window and had grabbed it to try and quiet it. I was so tired and sleepy, still under the effects of a lot of beer and I just didn’t want to deal with it. I knew every door and window was locked tight, so what did I do? I told myself to listen for a window breaking because that was the only way that anyone would ever get in and I rolled over and went back to sleep! The next morning I went outside and walked around the house, inspecting around the windows of both the bathroom and my bedroom. There were distinct hand and finger marks in the layer of grime that coated the casings of both windows and a big rock had been dragged over to sit under the bathroom window, (I guess Mr Sleazy was kind of short). I didn’t call the cops, I didn’t think it would make any difference, but I did send word through my circle that whoever it was would get shot next time (I didn’t have a gun, but nobody else knew that) because by my reckoning, it had to have been somebody that knew me and maybe had a crush or something, why else would he have taken that chance and come back? There were no further sightings of roaming eyeballs after that, or signs of unnatural disturbances around the house, so that was that and now Robin laughs her butt off every time I see her! “The look on your face!” she says, bending double as she roars with laughter. Yeah yeah…

Lacey ☮