I have some terrible news my friends, I’m simply devastated, I’m dying… By my own calculations, I only have about 5 months, 3 weeks and 6 days to live. Last night I went on the internet and googled my symptoms, now I’ve lost all hope, I have tinnitus and it’s driving me crazy! Some of the possible causes are vascular malformations, atherosclerosis (hardening of the arteries) and brain tumors, a lot of big words, but what all of this says to me is death! Of course it says to be checked out by your personal physician, but who can afford it? Google is so much cheaper! I will miss you all my wonderful friends (both of you) and beloved family! I’ve just about completed the writing of my will. I leave my fur babies in the gentle hands of my significant other, (they won’t mind, they like him better anyway) and my clothes and other personal treasures, I’m arranging for pick-up by a local charity, that way my children won’t have to argue over who’s going to get stuck with it all. I want my ashes stored in a lovely blue wine bottle that I’ve recently emptied. There now, I believe I’ve thought of just about every contingency. Oh woe is me!