Oh heavenly Father, my only friend Please hear my cries above the din I am lost and all alone I need a hand to guide me home I no longer have the will to fight Drenched in darkness, I see no light Oh heavenly Father please hear my plea Won’t you come and rescue me From the depths of gloom where I now dwell My life on earth is now my hell Give me strength, please take my hand And lead me to your promised land Oh heavenly Father, full of love Grant me mercy from up above Forever quiet all my cries And wipe the teardrops from my eyes Take me to a place so bright I never again will fear the night Oh heavenly Father whose love runs deep In your arms I’ll forever sleep
You said to write something happy But the words, they just won’t come All I know is that I miss you All I know is that I’m alone So how can I be joyful When you’re so far away For all I want is to hold you All I want is for you to stay So forgive me if I’m not happy As these words flow from my pen A smile will never cross my lips Until I chance to see you again
Our 8 year old puppy hasn’t been feeling well and my honey was laying down next to him on the floor, stroking him, petting him, talking to him soothingly and I thought “You know, that’s really sweet, I never get petted like that when I don’t feel so good, I’d like to be babied like that.” and I remembered back to the various aches and pains and cruds that I’ve been through that I’ve pretty much suffered with alone, but right on the heels of that thought was an epiphany, the squeaky wheel gets the grease. When our furbaby doesn’t feel well, it’s so obvious and of course all you want to do is love him up and make him feel better. I on the other hand have a tendency to not so much hide it as to ignore it, push through it, keep going in spite of it. No weakness here! Oh no, nothing’s gonna keep me down, I’m Superwoman! Right? No, not as right as I’d like it to be. I am the way I am because I don’t know how to be any other way. “You’re so strong!” I often hear, but I don’t always feel strong or in control, I just don’t know how not to keep treading water because I’m afraid that I’ll drown. So I keep swimming, keep pushing, keep fighting through, no whimpering, just focusing on the next step that I need to make. I never ask for help, that one is definitely on me. If I can do it myself, or feel reasonably (or even unreasonably) sure that I can figure it out, I’m on it. If something horrible happens and someone is trying to show me sympathy or compassion, I have to walk away from them, it’s the only way I can maintain the tight control that I have over my emotions, I refuse to cry. It’s usually the same when I’m angry, I walk away until I can once again regain the composure that I normally possess. Don’t help me! Don’t touch me! Keep your distance! Doesn’t sound like someone that wants to be petted does it? Growls can be deceiving, especially when your hackles are raised, but isn’t that just a defense? What animal doesn’t respond to kindness once they learn it’s not a ruse? So maybe I should try to be a little softer, more accessible, just let down my guard a little and allow that soft underbelly to be exposed and touched, just maybe. Pet me and give me a treat, we’ll see…
Friends of Tennessee’s Babies with Special Needs… I recently had the opportunity to speak with one of the “Volunteers of the Year” at fotbabies.org and he was so passionate while speaking about the work that he’s been doing for this organization that I felt compelled to go and check it out. Of course he literally had no idea who I was, you know, fundraising telemarketer by day, blog writing introverted hippie by night! 😏 It’s a relatively simple little website, not secure and slow loading, but if you’re a little patient, it comes around and I’m definitely glad that I waited for it. Their vision statement is “Connecting families with fellowship, resources and support- Because Babies Can’t Wait”, this touched my heart. They have a resource library that covers a variety of topics and family issues ranging from guides to helping families with hearing impaired or blind children to meditation for moms and devotional readings. You can watch welcome videos of events and testimonials and see how these people really care about kids come shining through. They offer programs and services which include respite care, loaner hearing aids, emergency and bereavement support. They have something they call “Hospital Collaboration”, it’s care Packages to families who have premature babies in the NICU at Children’s Hospital, also quarterly baby showers at Children’s Hospital and UT Medical Center for families who have babies in the NICU. Now I don’t live in Tennessee, but if I did and had small children, I’d be feeling grateful to know that these guys were there if I were to run into trouble. fotbabies.org is entirely nonprofit and operates solely on grants and donations. They have a PayPal set up that is secure if anyone cares to donate and they have a mailing address as well Friends of Tennessee’s Babies With Special Needs P.O. Box 544 Alcoa, TN 37701-0544 So go right ahead and check it out and if you happen to have a spare dollar or two, I’m sure that it would be appreciated! 👩👧👦
The kind restless sea It calls out to me And invites me into it’s depths The ocean, it hears My falling tears And soft sprays wash them away Against rocks it railed As I loudly wailed It’s rage was great at my pain The waves wildly crashed Because my hope was dashed And in sympathy it pounded the sand With sorrow it churns As my heart yearns And I know that we are as one It welcomes me home Now I’m not alone And the sea pulls me under the waves
I have my secrets you’ll never see But if you knew, you’d understand me For I don’t act like you’d expect I see things different from all the rest I live my life the way I choose From my experience I draw my views I’m not shaped the way you are Because of secrets I travel far Outside the norm, my life is shrouded Although mysterious, my vision’s not clouded So don’t feel bad if you can not see The things I do and you misjudge me I’m now resigned to the way things go I’m often doubted but I won’t show That I do care about what you think You’ll never know I’m on the brink Of falling apart most every day My secrets hurt and they’re here to stay They’ve made me what I am right now I can not change but I will not bow My head in defeat, I will go on Although it’s hard without someone Who understands my heart’s not free That my secrets are a part of me
You want tender turkey? Brine, brine, brine! I found this wonderful secret and haven’t looked back since. The night before you plan to roast it, in a small pot put in 1 cup salt, 1 cup brown sugar, 1 Tbsp sage and 1 Tbsp black pepper. Add enough water to fill and just bring to a good boil, then pour in a big enough pot that turkey will be completely submerged when filled with water. Let cool a bit then add another pot full of cold water (You want it to be about a third full), stir well. You can throw in a couple ice cubes if you’re in a hurry, but I usually don’t and you’ll see why in a minute. Place fresh or defrosted turkey in the big pot and then fill with cold water until turkey is covered. (I actually place my frozen turkey in 2 nights before, hence no ice.) 4 hours before you’re ready to roast, take the turkey out and rinse it well, then pat dry with paper towels. Rub with a little oil, (I really like olive oil). Set to the side and make your dry rub. The basics are 1 teaspoon of everything that you like in your spice rack. Salt, pepper, onion powder, garlic powder, Italian seasoning, sage, paprika and parsley, whatever etc. (I also added Mrs Dash original, Old Bay garlic and herbs and granulated chicken bouillon because I like it). Pat all over the bird. Place breast side down on a rack in a roaster pan and refrigerate (the 4 hours). 15 minutes before you’re ready to roast, take it out of the fridge and just let it sit. Pop into the oven at 425 degrees for 1 hour, then decrease heat to 325 degrees and flip turkey over on it’s back. Roast according to weight directions, checking every hour for brownness, tent with aluminum foil if it gets crispy brown before completely done. Voila! Yummy juicy turkey!
I’ve always been somebody’s trophy They want me and fight hard to win But when I’m finally won over I’m tossed in a corner again I hang upon a muscled arm A pretty bauble to be admired They show me off to all their friends An object to be desired But when it comes to time alone They have no time for me They spend their hours at work or play No attention do I see Always left to my own device Until it’s time again To take me from the mantelpiece The trophy they fought to win
Do you ever just get in one of those moods? I haven’t felt like myself all day today, just kinda achy and stressed and I feel just really really tired. So after I finally clocked out (thank goodness because I was at the point of wanting to reach through my computer and rip somebody’s face off) and moved all of that paraphernalia off of my bed (which is where I work), I went and helped out with the dinner that my honey was preparing. So scarfing down a couple of soft tacos and washing it down with a beer, I then took care of the leftovers, (and by taking care of, I actually mean throwing everything into one bowl for a pseudo taco salad for lunch tomorrow) while he loaded up the dishwasher. Then I disappeared into the bedroom (nothing new there) and found a movie on cable that I never intended to watch while I caught up on my social media. Still feeling crappy, the tension tight between my shoulder blades and my lower back hurting from all of the ungodly positions I kept squirming into all day trying to get comfortable while I was doing my telemarketing thing, I decided to take a hot shower, letting the water beat on me for a while and hopefully relieving some of the ache. Pop Evil is blaring on my Spotify, (rocking out is my usual go to stress reliever), which signals to those that know me that I’m in a mood and today’s mood being that I’m miserable and I keep swinging between abject despair and a silent seething rage. Now I’ve found that it’s hard to get a good grip on either of these emotions with one counterbalancing the other, not able to plumb the full depths of sadness that will result in a good cry and feeling better, not able to quench the rage by lashing out and dispelling the bitter adrenaline. It’s a sorry state of affairs that I find myself in. So there’s nothing else to do but call it a night (aka tossing and turning in bed) and hope that the morning will bring a miraculous change of spirit.
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