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Oh Heavenly Father

Oh heavenly Father, my only friend
Please hear my cries above the din
I am lost and all alone
I need a hand to guide me home
I no longer have the will to fight
Drenched in darkness, I see no light
Oh heavenly Father please hear my plea
Won’t you come and rescue me
From the depths of gloom where I now dwell
My life on earth is now my hell
Give me strength, please take my hand
And lead me to your promised land
Oh heavenly Father, full of love
Grant me mercy from up above
Forever quiet all my cries
And wipe the teardrops from my eyes
Take me to a place so bright
I never again will fear the night
Oh heavenly Father whose love runs deep
In your arms I’ll forever sleep

*Lacey*

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I Miss You

You said to write something happy
But the words, they just won’t come
All I know is that I miss you
All I know is that I’m alone
So how can I be joyful
When you’re so far away
For all I want is to hold you
All I want is for you to stay
So forgive me if I’m not happy
As these words flow from my pen
A smile will never cross my lips
Until I chance to see you again

*Lacey*

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Pet Me…

Our 8 year old puppy hasn’t been feeling well and my honey was laying down next to him on the floor, stroking him, petting him, talking to him soothingly and I thought “You know, that’s really sweet, I never get petted like that when I don’t feel so good, I’d like to be babied like that.” and I remembered back to the various aches and pains and cruds that I’ve been through that I’ve pretty much suffered with alone, but right on the heels of that thought was an epiphany, the squeaky wheel gets the grease. When our furbaby doesn’t feel well, it’s so obvious and of course all you want to do is love him up and make him feel better. I on the other hand have a tendency to not so much hide it as to ignore it, push through it, keep going in spite of it. No weakness here! Oh no, nothing’s gonna keep me down, I’m Superwoman! Right? No, not as right as I’d like it to be. I am the way I am because I don’t know how to be any other way. “You’re so strong!” I often hear, but I don’t always feel strong or in control, I just don’t know how not to keep treading water because I’m afraid that I’ll drown. So I keep swimming, keep pushing, keep fighting through, no whimpering, just focusing on the next step that I need to make. I never ask for help, that one is definitely on me. If I can do it myself, or feel reasonably (or even unreasonably) sure that I can figure it out, I’m on it. If something horrible happens and someone is trying to show me sympathy or compassion, I have to walk away from them, it’s the only way I can maintain the tight control that I have over my emotions, I refuse to cry. It’s usually the same when I’m angry, I walk away until I can once again regain the composure that I normally possess. Don’t help me! Don’t touch me! Keep your distance! Doesn’t sound like someone that wants to be petted does it? Growls can be deceiving, especially when your hackles are raised, but isn’t that just a defense? What animal doesn’t respond to kindness once they learn it’s not a ruse? So maybe I should try to be a little softer, more accessible, just let down my guard a little and allow that soft underbelly to be exposed and touched, just maybe. Pet me and give me a treat, we’ll see…

Lacey ☮

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FOTBabies

Friends of Tennessee’s Babies with Special Needs… I recently had the opportunity to speak with one of the “Volunteers of the Year” at fotbabies.org and he was so passionate while speaking about the work that he’s been doing for this organization that I felt compelled to go and check it out. Of course he literally had no idea who I was, you know, fundraising telemarketer by day, blog writing introverted hippie by night! 😏 It’s a relatively simple little website, not secure and slow loading, but if you’re a little patient, it comes around and I’m definitely glad that I waited for it. Their vision statement is “Connecting families with fellowship, resources and support- Because Babies Can’t Wait”, this touched my heart. They have a resource library that covers a variety of topics and family issues ranging from guides to helping families with hearing impaired or blind children to meditation for moms and devotional readings. You can watch welcome videos of events and testimonials and see how these people really care about kids come shining through. They offer programs and services which include respite care, loaner hearing aids, emergency and bereavement support. They have something they call “Hospital Collaboration”, it’s care Packages to families who have premature babies in the NICU at Children’s Hospital, also quarterly baby showers at Children’s Hospital and UT Medical Center for families who have babies in the NICU. Now I don’t live in Tennessee, but if I did and had small children, I’d be feeling grateful to know that these guys were there if I were to run into trouble. fotbabies.org is entirely nonprofit and operates solely on grants and donations. They have a PayPal set up that is secure if anyone cares to donate and they have a mailing address as well
Friends of Tennessee’s Babies With Special Needs
P.O. Box 544
Alcoa, TN 37701-0544

So go right ahead and check it out and if you happen to have a spare dollar or two, I’m sure that it would be appreciated!  👩‍👧‍👦

Lacey ☮

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The Sea

The kind restless sea
It calls out to me
And invites me into it’s depths
The ocean, it hears
My falling tears
And soft sprays wash them away
Against rocks it railed
As I loudly wailed
It’s rage was great at my pain
The waves wildly crashed
Because my hope was dashed
And in sympathy it pounded the sand
With sorrow it churns
As my heart yearns
And I know that we are as one
It welcomes me home
Now I’m not alone
And the sea pulls me under the waves

*Lacey*

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Secrets

I have my secrets you’ll never see
But if you knew, you’d understand me
For I don’t act like you’d expect
I see things different from all the rest
I live my life the way I choose
From my experience I draw my views
I’m not shaped the way you are
Because of secrets I travel far
Outside the norm, my life is shrouded
Although mysterious, my vision’s not clouded
So don’t feel bad if you can not see
The things I do and you misjudge me
I’m now resigned to the way things go
I’m often doubted but I won’t show
That I do care about what you think
You’ll never know I’m on the brink
Of falling apart most every day
My secrets hurt and they’re here to stay
They’ve made me what I am right now
I can not change but I will not bow
My head in defeat, I will go on
Although it’s hard without someone
Who understands my heart’s not free
That my secrets are a part of me

*Lacey*

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Roast Turkey

You want tender turkey? Brine, brine, brine! I found this wonderful secret and haven’t looked back since.
The night before you plan to roast it, in a small pot put in 1 cup salt, 1 cup brown sugar, 1 Tbsp sage and 1 Tbsp black pepper. Add enough water to fill and just bring to a good boil, then pour in a big enough pot that turkey will be completely submerged when filled with water. Let cool a bit then add another pot full of cold water (You want it to be about a third full), stir well. You can throw in a couple ice cubes if you’re in a hurry, but I usually don’t and you’ll see why in a minute. Place fresh or defrosted turkey in the big pot and then fill with cold water until turkey is covered. (I actually place my frozen turkey in 2 nights before, hence no ice.) 4 hours before you’re ready to roast, take the turkey out and rinse it well, then pat dry with paper towels. Rub with a little oil, (I really like olive oil). Set to the side and make your dry rub. The basics are 1 teaspoon of everything that you like in your spice rack. Salt, pepper, onion powder, garlic powder, Italian seasoning, sage, paprika and parsley, whatever etc. (I also added Mrs Dash original, Old Bay garlic and herbs and granulated chicken bouillon because I like it). Pat all over the bird. Place breast side down on a rack in a roaster pan and refrigerate (the 4 hours). 15 minutes before you’re ready to roast, take it out of the fridge and just let it sit. Pop into the oven at 425 degrees for 1 hour, then decrease heat to 325 degrees and flip turkey over on it’s back. Roast according to weight directions, checking every hour for brownness, tent with aluminum foil if it gets crispy brown before completely done. Voila! Yummy juicy turkey!

Lacey 🍗

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Behind My Back

Always I’ve tried to help you even when thrown back in my face
Always I’ve tried to be there for you but what you give back is a disgrace

I hear you whispering about me, you’re not offering me any support
When someone is talking about me, I’m convicted without any court

I thought you were my best friend, but that’s not true behind my back
You think that I don’t hear you when I’m placed under attack

So why am I now colder when you choose to smile my way
You question my intentions but I question now my faith

How am I supposed to trust you the one I counted on the most
Me and you against the world I confidently used to boast

I see you present two faces, the implications I can’t miss
I almost wish I didn’t know, ignorance would be bliss

Consorting with my enemies, no protection when I’m not there
I don’t know why, I just ignore her, I’ve often heard you share

Where’s my righteous indignation, the very same you fling at me
If I don’t silently fall in line because I’m not allowed to disagree

Perhaps I’m viewed as something less, not worthy of a voice
But that’s not how I see it and soon will have no choice

I will take a stand and fight, I’ll be the only one fighting for me
Keep whispering behind my back and I will take of you my leave

I thought you were my best friend but what friend would kick me blind
I’d be better off with no friends than to guard against your kind

*Lacey*

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Somebody’s Trophy

I’ve always been somebody’s trophy
They want me and fight hard to win
But when I’m finally won over
I’m tossed in a corner again
I hang upon a muscled arm
A pretty bauble to be admired
They show me off to all their friends
An object to be desired
But when it comes to time alone
They have no time for me
They spend their hours at work or play
No attention do I see
Always left to my own device
Until it’s time again
To take me from the mantelpiece
The trophy they fought to win

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Sorry State Of Affairs

Do you ever just get in one of those moods? I haven’t felt like myself all day today, just kinda achy and stressed and I feel just really really tired. So after I finally clocked out (thank goodness because I was at the point of wanting to reach through my computer and rip somebody’s face off) and moved all of that paraphernalia off of my bed (which is where I work), I went and helped out with the dinner that my honey was preparing. So scarfing down a couple of soft tacos and washing it down with a beer, I then took care of the leftovers, (and by taking care of, I actually mean throwing everything into one bowl for a pseudo taco salad for lunch tomorrow) while he loaded up the dishwasher. Then I disappeared into the bedroom (nothing new there) and found a movie on cable that I never intended to watch while I caught up on my social media. Still feeling crappy, the tension tight between my shoulder blades and my lower back hurting from all of the ungodly positions I kept squirming into all day trying to get comfortable while I was doing my telemarketing thing, I decided to take a hot shower, letting the water beat on me for a while and hopefully relieving some of the ache. Pop Evil is blaring on my Spotify, (rocking out is my usual go to stress reliever), which signals to those that know me that I’m in a mood and today’s mood being that I’m miserable and I keep swinging between abject despair and a silent seething rage. Now I’ve found that it’s hard to get a good grip on either of these emotions with one counterbalancing the other, not able to plumb the full depths of sadness that will result in a good cry and feeling better, not able to quench the rage by lashing out and dispelling the bitter adrenaline. It’s a sorry state of affairs that I find myself in. So there’s nothing else to do but call it a night (aka tossing and turning in bed) and hope that the morning will bring a miraculous change of spirit.

Lacey ☮