Passages of light reach deep within me, but it does nothing to dispel the darkness. The glare of stained glass windows, the provisions of sun hurt my eyes and make me reel as it searches out the corners of my mind. Where to hide? Nowhere to hide from this invading force as it seeks to expose me. Let me be. Shred not what little dignity I now so desperately clutch to my heart. Seek not to destroy me, for already I am devastated with only a fragment of myself left to offer for penance. Let me be to sit in a corner and watch moonbeams dance across the floor and catch the dust to play a game in it’s last breath. Nothing, nothing, there’s nothing left. The will, the strength have all been drained. Swirling thoughts, ghosts of light now prick my mind to make me recall what was lost, what was forgotten. Memories, the memories of another time, another child, for I am no longer the same. No more do I exist, but for this huddled figure who no longer dreams.
2 lbs Hamburger (I like ground chuck)
2 cans black beans, undrained
2 cans whole kernal corn, undrained
1 can diced tomatoes, undrained (I like petite diced)
1 can Rotel tomatoes & chilies, undrained (mild or hot, your choice)
2 packs taco seasoning
1 pack ranch dip
Brown the meat and drain the fat. Add everything in the soup list to the pot, stir together. (Thin with a little water if necessary.) Heat on medium, stirring occasionally til hot. Ladle into bowls and top with sourcream, cheese and fritos.
So I have this quirk, it’s not a bad thing really, but it makes my boyfriend super crazy! I like to hang out in my bedroom. I guess it’s one of those introverted things, but I look at it like this, it’s my comfy zone. Remember when you were a kid? Where did you spend most of your time when you weren’t outside harassing nature with your loud exuberance? In your bedroom, happily playing with your toys, listening to music or just curled up on your bed with a good book. My room was my space, my castle, my cave, period. Go to your room and shut the door and you’ve successfully blocked out all of the drama and petty annoyances that are usually associated with coexisting with other people. Peace and quiet, ahhh… So this is a personal tradition that I’ve pretty much carried with me throughout much of my adult life, I even indoctrinated my children when they got older! (Not really, they were doing that already all on their own…) We each had our own “apartment” and the rest of the house was “shared space” that everyone was responsible for. Everyone cleaned up their own mess after themselves, which wasn’t a problem because everyone pretty much just stayed in their own apartment! Knock knock, “Hey Mom, what ya doing?” “Playing Farmville, what’s up?” The child then proceeds to plop on my bed. “Nothing much, what’s for dinner?” “Spaghetti I’m thinking. Sound good?” “Sure…” “Wanna play some chess?” “Nah, not really, I just wanted to say hey.” “You mean you wanted to say that you’re getting hungry.” “Yeah well, something like that.” “Hint taken, I’m on it” sigh… But my children are all grown now and have moved out into the world to carve out their own little piece of it and it’s just me and my babe. I still like to hang out in my room, but he just doesn’t get it. “It’s not healthy.” “Why isn’t it? It’s the same air in every room and just as many windows to let the sun in.” “It’s not normal.” “Not normal for who? Many people feel the exact same way that I do, that makes it quite normal.” “You’re being antisocial.” “So? Your point being?” And that brings us right back to the NO DRAMA part… So maybe it’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but hey, it keeps me happy! It makes me the well rounded, happy go lucky, gregarious ball of sunshine that I am! (Stop snickering…)
There was this one time… when my kids were still little, we all lived in this tiny little house in Hartsville SC, just my children and me. It was in one of the poorest sections of town because being an unemployed single mom at the time, it was the best I could do, but overall it was an okay neighborhood, mostly pretty quiet. Now I will say that to look out the window and see cops swarming all over somebody’s house like a bunch of angry hornets wasn’t surprising, but I never heard any gunshots or anything. There were a lot of kids in this neighborhood, a hodgepodge collection of all colors and ages and for some reason, they all always seemed to wind up in my yard, so I eventually became at least nodding acquaintances with most of my neighbors and that was okay too, they seemed like nice people (except for this one lady, but that’s another story). An older man lived directly to the right of me and sometimes I would see him piddling around with his plants while I was outside watching over the kids while they played and he would throw up his hand and give a wave. Occasionally he would call the children over and give them a piece of candy or something (but only after he had asked if I would mind, which was very mannerly of him). So there came a time when I didn’t see the man any more, but there were other people coming and going, so I just assumed that he had probably moved out (because nobody seemed to stick around for too long on that street) and that new people had moved in. I didn’t know a lot about these new people and to be honest, I didn’t really want to. I usually tried to stay to myself and mind my own business as much as possible, but a couple of times I heard a knock on the door and this young girl from next door would be there asking to borrow a lighter. She seemed harmless enough, no bigger than a minute, (I could have took her if I had to), but I was pretty sure that they were smoking up something over there. So I wasn’t overly friendly, not wanting to encourage her to hang around because after all, I had a family to think about. Then one day, there came a knock at my front door and I answered it to find the older gentleman standing there, very distraught. “I’m sorry to bother you” he said, “But I just got home, I’ve been in the hospital and my girl has trashed my house! Do you have a garbage bag I can have? Because I’ve got to start cleaning up all that mess, I just can’t stand it, I don’t know how she could have done that to my house! There’s trash everywhere, cigarette butts, dirty dishes, dirty clothes, I love her, but I just can’t live like that!” I was very sympathetic, I could just imagine what a shock it must have been to come home to something like that and I was more than happy to help him out. He had always been so nice and I felt bad for him, especially since he said he had just gotten out of the hospital. So I gave him the biggest bag I had, told him it would all be alright, he’d get it straightened out and then watched him walk across to his side of the yard, his head slightly hanging. Poor old guy… The next day I was outside with the kids and the neighbor from the other side of me walked over. She was pleasant enough, but I hardly ever saw her venture out, so I was surprised to see her ambling toward me. I greeted her with “Hey, what’s up?” “Did you hear?” she asked. “Hear what?” (I never hear about anything because I usually just limit myself to those neighborly nods remember). “Your neighbor, that man that lives on the other side of you, he got arrested last night.” “What?” I immediately had visions of him strangling his little girlfriend because he flipped out over the mess she made. “Yeah, that’s right. He was high as a kite on crack. The police caught him running down the street buck naked. Not a stitch of clothes on, but he did have a trashbag tied around him.” A trashbag, a big black trashbag… The very same one I had just given to him…
There was this one time… me and a friend had gone out to a local bar for a few drinks, just to cut loose a little bit and relax and had just gotten back to my house (which was out in the middle of nowhere). We were laughing and joking, in a really great mood after our night out, but then I left her in the kitchen and went into the bathroom to take care of business. So I sit down on the toilet and just happen to look over toward the window, (you have to amuse yourself when you pee right?) and I see this big eyeball and the shadow of a head! So I let out a scream and quickly pull up my pants as I’m jumping up and running toward the kitchen while she’s running toward me and we meet in the middle of the living-room, “What is it? What’s wrong with you?” she’s all excited, ready to take me to the hospital or something. “Somebody’s looking in the window!” “What? Are you serious?” “No, I completely made it up and screamed for effect, of course I’m serious! Find a flashlight or something, let’s catch him!” I kept a flashlight in a little junk drawer in the kitchen, so I grabbed it and we ran outside around to the side of the house where I saw the offending eyeball. She’s on her cellphone to 911 and I’m shining the flashlight all over the house and the yard and… nothing, we’re seeing nothing. Finally a deputy pulls up and she wants to know what happened and she walks around shining her bigger flashlight and sees nothing too. Of course she doesn’t see anything, it takes so long for somebody to show up that he’s booked it, but still she looks at me sideways. “Have you been drinking?” she asked us. I said “Yep! and as soon as you leave, I’m going to have another one because I’ve now been scared sober!” No statements signed, no reports written, the deputy just shakes her head and before she leaves, she says “You girls stay inside and give us a call if he comes back.” Robin and I go back inside and she’s looking at me kind of indecisively, so I tell her “Go home, I’ll be fine.” and I really meant it, after the initial fright of being caught off guard, (who really expects somebody to be sneaking around and watching them pee) I wasn’t scared anymore. So she walks out with a lot of exclamations of, “Lock all the doors! Call if something happens! Be careful!” “Yeah yeah, I got this, you just be careful going home. See you at work tomorrow!” and I watch her back slowly out of the drive and disappear down the road. So now the adrenaline has wore off and the alcohol has kicked back in and I’m really tired, yep, I’m taking my butt to bed. Now there happens to be a door that opens to a tiny outside porch in my bedroom, (I think my room used to be used as an office) and I decorated the little porch with flower pots and I had a wind-chime that would tinkle softly. It was really cute with it’s old ornate metal railing and having no close neighbors, I would often leave the door open to catch the breeze coming in through the locked screen door as I lay in bed at night. This night however, of course I closed the wooden door and made sure it was secure before climbing into bed and fell into a deep sleep almost immediately. What, what was that? I hear the wind-chime, but it’s not the soft ringing I’m accustomed to, this was a loud sudden clanging and then complete silence. The scumbag had come back and was on my porch! Evidently he had hit the wind-chime trying to peek in through my bedroom window and had grabbed it to try and quiet it. I was so tired and sleepy, still under the effects of a lot of beer and I just didn’t want to deal with it. I knew every door and window was locked tight, so what did I do? I told myself to listen for a window breaking because that was the only way that anyone would ever get in and I rolled over and went back to sleep! The next morning I went outside and walked around the house, inspecting around the windows of both the bathroom and my bedroom. There were distinct hand and finger marks in the layer of grime that coated the casings of both windows and a big rock had been dragged over to sit under the bathroom window, (I guess Mr Sleazy was kind of short). I didn’t call the cops, I didn’t think it would make any difference, but I did send word through my circle that whoever it was would get shot next time (I didn’t have a gun, but nobody else knew that) because by my reckoning, it had to have been somebody that knew me and maybe had a crush or something, why else would he have taken that chance and come back? There were no further sightings of roaming eyeballs after that, or signs of unnatural disturbances around the house, so that was that and now Robin laughs her butt off every time I see her! “The look on your face!” she says, bending double as she roars with laughter. Yeah yeah…
No one can tame
The Gypsy in me
An open fire
With hot desire
Beyond your grasp
I’ll always be
No one can tame
The Gypsy in me
From swaying hips
Yearning for one
With strength to be
The man to tame
The Gypsy in me
We all go through rough patches in life, we have accidents, heartache and mayhem and I know that I’ve certainly had my share, but my most used and favorite saying is “God got me” because I sincerely believe this with my whole heart. Now I work and struggle and run around, trying as hard as I can to do the best that I can because I believe He expects me to. You can’t just sit on your butt and expect to be spoon fed like a toddler, you have to get out there and try! You do your best and He’ll take care of the rest. So every time I run into that wall or am confused about which path to take, there He is, giving me a gentle nudge that gets me going in the right direction. The key to this though is to trust and to listen. You have to trust that God will always catch you and listen to that little voice inside because mostly He only whispers. I give Him credit for all of my best ideas and I’m certainly grateful for every time He just reached right out and saved me, because these times have been numerous. By all accounts, I should no longer be walking this earth, but here I am, still going strong! FAITH, I have faith in my Father and no fear, only gratitude and love. Why should a child be afraid of their father? No reason! I try to make Him happy because I want to make Him proud of me, not because I’m afraid of anything. Sometimes I wish that I could just share all of the thoughts and knowledge that I have using a vulcan mind meld, (yep I was a trekkie) so people could understand exactly why I feel the way that I do, because the way I feel inside is liberating! I am loved! I am safe! Someone wants the best for me and helps me in every way imaginable. I’ve been broken and trampled, but He always lifts me up and puts me back together. I’ve been lost and confused, but He always guides me out of the darkness. I never say “God why are you doing this to me?” because He didn’t do anything to me, someone or something else did and He loves me enough to stroke my fevered brow and make me whole again. God got me! Even with all my shortcomings and weaknesses, He still has my back, the best friend I ever had. God has you too, just trust Him enough to listen…
The girl you want, she now is gone
Went back inside to hide from harm
Too long she’s had her heart revealed
And from the pain, she must be healed
She is too soft and can’t defend
Herself from lies from all of men
She still believes in fairy tales
A handsome prince and love that dwells
Of course I know the way things are
To trust in man will leave a scar
I can’t be hurt, the one that’s strong
I’ll take her place, I’ll right her wrong
I will defend and let her hide
Until the time she can abide
To re-emerge and she can smile
When she finds life again worthwhile
But til she does, I’ll hide her fear
And tell the world that she’s not here
Like the morning sun
You brighten my day
And lift my spirits
Making me eager
To face the world
And like the stars
You soothe my soul
As I lay quietly
In your arms
Dreaming in my slumber
Now I know the very first thing that pops into your head is “Cuter than a speckled pup sitting in a red wagon!” I’m going to tell you straight up… not only have I never heard a true southerner say this in my entire life, but I find it insulting every time I hear it from some outsider trying to be funny. You’re not funny, not even a little, there I said it! (I knew this one girl that would always say something about squirrels when she saw me, she thought she was being obnoxiously clever. If you ask me, I think she had a few squirrels running loose in her hayloft!) Now I will admit that our speech is different in a colorful kinda way, but I like it, it has character. There’s absolutely no mistaking one of us when you run across us, that southern drawl is unique! Now here are some of the things that we really do say…
- “Bless your heart” Probably one of the most famous that we have. It’s used to show both sympathy and exasperation, depending upon the recipient.
- “Fixin’ to” This means I’m about to, sometimes with an added, just give me a darn minute! Which brings us to…
- “Hold your horses” The previously mentioned, wait a minute.
- “I reckon” This means I think or I guess. “I reckon so” means I suppose I agree. This application is often used by husbands to avoid a fight.
- “Worn slap out” Means tired to the bone, completely weary or when applied to an inanimate object, can mean used beyond repair. “After shelling all them beans, I’m worn slap out!”
- “I’ll jerk a knot in your tail” Often used by mothers toward their offspring. 😮 If you heard this, buddy you were in trouble.
- “Colder than a well diggers butt” That’s pretty dang cold! Or another one meaning the same thing…
- “It’s colder than a witch’s tit in a brass bra”
- “My dogs are hollering” Which means your feet hurt!
- “Well I swanee” Meaning “well I’ll be” or “I’ll be darned”. (I don’t know how it originated.) 🤔
- “If you can’t run with the big dogs, you best stay on the porch” I love this one! I’ve used it more than a few times when I was younger and feeling cocky. I think you get the meaning.
- “Over yonder” Now that could be 10 feet or 10 miles! Yonder is anywhere that isn’t right where you are. You can add way, as in “Way over yonder” and that’s a further piece away than just yonder!
A few choice words and phrases are as follows:
- All y’all
- I’ll cut your tail.
- Bless your pea-picking heart.
- I wouldn’t p*ss on him if he was on fire.
- Sticks in your throat like a hair in a biscuit.
- You’re so full of sh*t your eyes are brown.
- As nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rockers.
- Too big for your britches.
- Full as a tick.
- I’ll snatch you bald.
So I hope you guys had as much fun reading these as I did jotting them down! Catch ya’ll later! 😃