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Feel Safe

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If it makes you feel safe, then do it. It doesn’t matter who laughs at you or who looks at you disdainfully, if it helps you to find inner peace, then just do it. I have a thing where I “secure the perimeter” every night before I go to bed. I check every door to make sure they’re locked and all the lights are out except for some little shine peeking out from
somewhere in every room that I have an occasion to walk through. If there are people in my home overnight (even my mom), I have to have my bedroom door shut, I still hear every sound, but not as intense. I’m the last one to go to sleep because I listen for the quiet, making sure that no one goes behind me and undoes any of my nightly “work”. When we go out, I don’t sit with my back to the door and I carry my purse and jacket with me everywhere. I always lock my car, no exceptions, every time I park it. These are some of the things that make me feel safe and I do these things religiously because it puts my mind at ease and I can relax and focus on other things. It helps me to have a normal life. You deserve as normal a life as you can possibly have as well. If it brings you peace of mind then do it. Don’t let anxiety take away precious moments if it can be prevented. Do you need that particular pillow or fuzzy blanket to get a good night’s sleep? Then by all means, have it, even if you’re staying overnight somewhere and it perhaps makes someone raise an eyebrow. You can’t resist the urge to check 2 or 3 (dozen) times that the door is actually locked when you go out? Then rattle that knob baby! And then go on and enjoy your outing with an easy mind. The point being, everyone is different and everybody has their own little quirks, some are just more apparent than others. You deserve as good a life as you can possibly live, without apologies, without shame or guilt, full of happiness and blessed peace. <3

Lacey ☮

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My Apologies

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To the wonderful people who follow me, I apologize if you get constant updates about every little thing that I do. Every time I learn something new, I’m not content to just incorporate it into my future postings, nope, not me! I have to go back and improve every single thing that I’ve already done, otherwise I wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat! (JK, kinda) 😉 Chalk it up to OCD… So anyway, bear with me as I continue to tinker and tweak, because it’s just so much darn fun! I’ll get it perfect one day, maybe…

Lacey ☮

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It’s Raining Mensa…

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“There’s a fine line between genius and insanity…” – Oscar Levant

Psychologists have discovered that creative people have a gene in common (called neuregulin 1) which is also linked to psychosis and depression. I’ve always loved this quote and wholeheartedly believed it to be true, now scientists are providing proof! I found this interesting and wanted to share because I think this applies to a lot of people, probably some that you yourself know, maybe even you!
When I was in grade school, I already had the IQ of an adult, when I got older older, it was at a steady 136-137, just short of the required 140 for Mensa, a group I desperately wanted to be a part of. Why you ask? A couple of different reasons really. The main one being because I know I’m extremely intelligent, but nobody seems to want to take me seriously because… I have a southern accent? I don’t have a slew of degrees? I’m female and put being a mother first? I really don’t know why someone would look down on me, just assume that I lack in the cerebrum area, but I run into it a lot and it really ticks me off! I don’t want to continually justify what rattles around in my noggin, while others are treated like gold drips off their tongue every time they open their mouth, so it would be a much desired affirmation for me. The other reason was purely selfish, I WANTED IN! I became like a dog with a bone, testing my IQ over and over again because I wanted to belong with this elite group of individuals, be accepted into something special, I guess kind of like wanting to pledge to a sorority. I still want it, but I’ve accepted that I’m just not Mensa material and I’ve stopped trying, (I never took the official Mensa test because you only get one shot at it), but now on the other side of the coin, I truly enjoy my quirkiness. I make people laugh and think and feel something deep down inside. All my life I’ve heard “You’re weird, you’re crazy” and my all time favorite, “You just ain’t right!” I like that I’m different, that I’m truly an individual with divergent ideas. People need to realize that different isn’t bad, it isn’t wrong, it’s just, well, different! One of my favorite sayings is “If we were all the same, what a boring world this would be!” and I’m anything but dull, (unless I’m on my best behavior and not being the real me, now THAT’S boring). I have bad days, when it’s hard to live inside of my own skin, like when I get really tired and my thoughts get wonky. My mind doesn’t say sleep, it says give up, give in, just let go and this isn’t mentally or emotionally healthy, but I slog my way through it and eventually it does get better. Sleep, water (I consume way too much caffeine in lieu of this) and positive mental stimulation helps tremendously. Anger is a great motivator, but it burns up your reserves too quickly and then you crash, HARD, it’s kind of like a sugar rush. If you ever find me just sitting in the shower until the water runs cold, then you know that something isn’t right in my inner world. I don’t know why being pelted with a continual deluge of warm spray helps, but it does, it makes me feel a little better. So anyway, the next time someone tells you that you’re different or odd, say “Thank you!” and know that you’re probably 10x smarter than they are!

Lacey ☮

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Labels

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Labels, I hate labels, why does most everyone feel the need to slap a label on everything and more importantly, everyone? I have problems, some bad wiring in the melon, but don’t label me. I have depression, OCD and ADD, but that’s not WHO I am, they’re only glitches in my genetic makeup (part of my charm and sassy wit)! That doesn’t mean you need to take away my shoestrings so that I don’t fashion some kind of makeshift garrote for myself. By the same token, this applies to others as well. I’ve been thinking about this recently because of someone very near and dear to my heart who has a few “glitches” as well, someone beautiful both inside and out, but isn’t necessarily classified as “normal”. This young man is off the charts intelligent, but just a little different from the average guy. He never spoke a word until he was 2 years old and then had to go through years of speech therapy. So depression, anxiety and ADHD only scrape the surface. I learned from a very wise lady doctor about labels years ago when my son was asthmatic and she said to me, “We’re going to try a different approach to his treatment because you don’t want him to be labeled as having asthma, it will affect the quality of his life because he’ll be limited as to what he’ll be allowed to participate in.” Meaning, when you’re labeled, you become pigeonholed and truer words have never been spoken. So he wasn’t “labeled” as having asthma and he subsequently actually outgrew it and went on to be on the high-school wrestling team. So now back to the other thing, this young man has all the indications of having high functioning autism, but I’ve refused to acknowledge it and have discouraged him from wandering too far down the path to have it legitimized because I DO NOT want that label placed on him. He’s smart and funny and lovable, and he has a tremendous future ahead of him, but the path is just going to be a little more crooked to get there and with a lot of love and support, he will get there! Already, being labeled as having ADHD (this was out of my hands) has affected him, he wanted to join the Marines at one time and they wouldn’t take him because of it, they said he had to be off of his meds for at least a year. Can you imagine the ramifications if he were Autistic? I don’t treat him any different, I expect great things of him and I’m quite confident that he’ll come through. I refuse to let him use his problems as any kind of an excuse not to try, or for anyone else to use it as an excuse to hold him back. Labels suck! The bottom line is that nobody’s perfect, even the ones that like to believe that they are. You! Yes you, guy with all the diplomas on the wall, with your twitchy eye and wrinkled suit, you’re not perfect either!

Lacey ☮

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My Mindmap “The Advocate” (INFJ, -A/-T)

Results by 16personalities.com

DIPLOMAT/CONFIDENT INDIVIDUALISM
INTROVERTED
INTUITIVE
FEELING
JUDGING
ASSERTIVE

ADVOCATE PERSONALITY (INFJ, -A/-T)

The Advocate personality type is very rare, making up less than one percent of the population, but they nonetheless leave their mark on the world. As members of the Diplomat Role group, Advocates have an inborn sense of idealism and morality, but what sets them apart is that they are not idle dreamers, but people capable of taking concrete steps to realize their goals and make a lasting positive impact.

Advocates tend to see helping others as their purpose in life, but while people with this personality type can be found engaging rescue efforts and doing charity work, their real passion is to get to the heart of the issue so that people need not be rescued at all.

Help Me Help You

Advocates indeed share a unique combination of traits: though soft-spoken, they have very strong opinions and will fight tirelessly for an idea they believe in. They are decisive and strong-willed, but will rarely use that energy for personal gain – Advocates will act with creativity, imagination, conviction and sensitivity not to create advantage, but to create balance. Egalitarianism and karma are very attractive ideas to Advocates, and they tend to believe that nothing would help the world so much as using love and compassion to soften the hearts of tyrants.

Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness.

Martin Luther King

Advocates find it easy to make connections with others, and have a talent for warm, sensitive language, speaking in human terms, rather than with pure logic and fact. It makes sense that their friends and colleagues will come to think of them as quiet Extraverted types, but they would all do well to remember that Advocates need time alone to decompress and recharge, and to not become too alarmed when they suddenly withdraw. Advocates take great care of other’s feelings, and they expect the favor to be returned – sometimes that means giving them the space they need for a few days.

Live to Fight Another Day

Really though, it is most important for Advocates to remember to take care of themselves. The passion of their convictions is perfectly capable of carrying them past their breaking point and if their zeal gets out of hand, they can find themselves exhausted, unhealthy and stressed. This becomes especially apparent when Advocates find themselves up against conflict and criticism – their sensitivity forces them to do everything they can to evade these seemingly personal attacks, but when the circumstances are unavoidable, they can fight back in highly irrational, unhelpful ways.

To Advocates, the world is a place full of inequity – but it doesn’t have to be. No other personality type is better suited to create a movement to right a wrong, no matter how big or small. Advocates just need to remember that while they’re busy taking care of the world, they need to take care of themselves, too.

ADVOCATE STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES

Advocate Strengths

  • Creative – Combining a vivid imagination with a strong sense of compassion, Advocates use their creativity to resolve not technical challenges, but human ones. People with the Advocate personality type enjoy finding the perfect solution for someone they care about, and this strength makes them excellent counselors and advisors.
  • Insightful – Seeing through dishonesty and disingenuous motives, Advocates step past manipulation and sales tactics and into a more honest discussion. Advocates see how people and events are connected, and are able to use that insight to get to the heart of the matter.
  • Inspiring and Convincing – Speaking in human terms, not technical, Advocates have a fluid, inspirational writing style that appeals to the inner idealist in their audience. Advocates can even be astonishingly good orators, speaking with warmth and passion, if they are proud of what they are speaking for.
  • Decisive – Their creativity, insight and inspiration are able to have a real impact on the world, as Advocates are able to follow through on their ideas with conviction, willpower, and the planning necessary to see complex projects through to the end. Advocates don’t just see the way things ought to be, they act on those insights.
  • Determined and Passionate – When Advocates come to believe that something is important, they pursue that goal with a conviction and energy that can catch even their friends and loved ones off guard. Advocates will rock the boat if they have to, something not everyone likes to see, but their passion for their chosen cause is an inseparable part of their personality.
  • Altruistic – These strengths are used for good. Advocates have strong beliefs and take the actions that they do not because they are trying to advance themselves, but because they are trying to advance an idea that they truly believe will make the world a better place.

Advocate Weaknesses

  • Sensitive – When someone challenges or criticizes Advocates’ principles or values, they are likely to receive an alarmingly strong response. People with the Advocate personality type are highly vulnerable to criticism and conflict, and questioning their motives is the quickest way to their bad side.
  • Extremely Private – Advocates tend to present themselves as the culmination of an idea. This is partly because they believe in this idea, but also because Advocates are extremely private when it comes to their personal lives, using this image to keep themselves from having to truly open up, even to close friends. Trusting a new friend can be even more challenging for Advocates.
  • Perfectionistic – Advocates are all but defined by their pursuit of ideals. While this is a wonderful quality in many ways, an ideal situation is not always possible – in politics, in business, in romance – and Advocates too often drop or ignore healthy and productive situations and relationships, always believing there might be a better option down the road.
  • Always Need to Have a Cause – Advocates get so caught up in the passion of their pursuits that any of the cumbersome administrative or maintenance work that comes between them and the ideal they see on the horizon is deeply unwelcome. Advocates like to know that they are taking concrete steps towards their goals, and if routine tasks feel like they are getting in the way, or worse yet, there is no goal at all, they will feel restless and disappointed.
  • Can Burn Out Easily – Their passion, poor patience for routine maintenance, tendency to present themselves as an ideal, and extreme privacy tend to leave Advocates with few options for letting off steam. People with this personality type are likely to exhaust themselves in short order if they don’t find a way to balance their ideals with the realities of day-to-day living.

ADVOCATE RELATIONSHIPS

When it comes to romantic relationships, Advocates take the process of finding a partner seriously. Not ones for casual encounters, people with the Advocate personality type instead look for depth and meaning in their relationships. Advocates will take the time necessary to find someone they truly connect with – once they’ve found that someone, their relationships will reach a level of depth and sincerity that most people can only dream of.

Getting to that point can sometimes be a challenge for potential partners, especially if they are the impatient type, as Advocates are often perfectionistic and picky. People with this personality type aren’t easily talked into something they don’t want, and if someone doesn’t pick up on that, it’s a trespass that is unlikely to be forgiven, particularly in the early stages of dating. Even worse is if a suitor tries to resort to manipulation or lying, as Advocates will see right through it, and if there’s anything they have a poor tolerance for in a relationship, it is inauthenticity.

Is This for Real?

One of the things Advocates find most important is establishing genuine, deep connections with the people they care about.

Advocates will go out of their way to seek out people who share their desire for authenticity, and out of their way to avoid those who don’t, especially when looking for a partner. All that being said, Advocates often have the advantage of desirability – they are warm, friendly, caring and insightful, seeing past facades and the obvious to understand others’ thoughts and emotions.

Advocates are enthusiastic in their relationships, and there is a sense of wisdom behind their spontaneity, allowing them to pleasantly surprise their partners again and again. Advocates aren’t afraid to show their love, and they feel it unconditionally, creating a depth to the relationship that can hardly be described in conventional terms. Relationships with Advocates are not for the uncommitted or the shallow.

When it comes to intimacy, Advocates look for a connection that goes beyond the physical, embracing the emotional and even spiritual connection they have with their partner. People with the Advocate personality type are passionate partners, and see intimacy as a way to express their love and to make their partners happy. Advocates cherish not just the act of being in a relationship, but what it means to become one with another person, in mind, body and soul.

ADVOCATE FRIENDS

There is a running theme with Advocates, and that is a yearning for authenticity and sincerity – in their activities, their romantic relationships, and their friendships. People with the Advocate personality type are unlikely to go for friendships of circumstance, like workplace social circles or chatting up their local baristas, where the only thing they really have in common is a day-to-day familiarity. Rather, Advocates seek out people who share their passions, interests and ideologies, people with whom they can explore philosophies and subjects that they believe are truly meaningful.

Closed Book and Speed Reader

From the start, it can be a challenge to get to know Advocates, as they are very private, even enigmatic. Advocates don’t readily share their thoughts and feelings, not unless they are comfortable, and since those thoughts and feelings are the basis for Advocate friendships, it can take time and persistence to get to know them. Meanwhile, Advocates are very insightful and have a particular knack for seeing beyond others’ facades, interpreting intent and compatibility quickly and easily, and weeding out those who don’t share the depth of their idealism.

In friendship it is as though Advocates are searching for a soul mate, someone who shares every facet of their passions and imagination.

Advocates are often perfectionistic, looking for ultimate compatibility, and yet also look for someone with whom they can grow and improve in tandem. Needless to say, this is a tall order, and Advocates should try to remember that they are a particularly rare personality type, and even if they find someone compatible in that sense, the odds that they will also share every interest are slim. If they don’t learn to meet others halfway and recognize that the kind of self-improvement and depth they demand is simply exhausting for many types, Advocates are likely end up abandoning healthy friendships in their infancy, in search of more perfect compatibilities.

Like Finding a Needle in a Haystack

Further complicating things are Advocates’ eloquence and persuasiveness, which lead to a lot of (unwanted) attention and popularity. Their quiet, determined idealism and imaginative expression naturally draw influence, and if there’s anything Advocates avoid, it’s the accumulation of power over others – and the people who are drawn to that type of power. Advocates will find themselves more sought after than they’d ever care to be, making it even more difficult for them to find someone they truly have an affinity with. Really the only way to be counted among Advocates’ true friends is to be authentic, and to have that authenticity naturally reflect their own.

Once a common thread is found though, people with the Advocate personality type make loyal and supportive companions, encouraging growth and life-enriching experiences with warmth, excitement and care. As trust grows, Advocates will share more of what lies beneath the surface, and if those ideas and motives are mutual, it’s the sort of friendship that will transcend time and distance, lasting a lifetime. Advocates don’t require a great deal of day-to-day attention – for them, quality trumps quantity every time, and over the years they will likely end up with just a few true friendships, built on a richness of mutual understanding that forges an indelible link between them.

ADVOCATE PARENTS

As parents Advocates, much as in their friendships, will tend to look at their relationships with their children as opportunities to learn and grow with someone they care about, while working to achieve a distinctly separate but important goal – raising someone to be an independent, responsible and principled adult. People with the Advocate personality type are unflinching in their devotion to their children, willing to grin and bear any burden without hesitation. While warm and compassionate throughout the parenting relationship, what Advocates are really looking forward to is being able to communicate and relate to the person they helped to raise, as equals.

Be Unique, Just Like Me

As their children grow, Advocates will likely try to project a great deal of their own qualities onto them, demanding the same sort of idealism and honesty that they demand from themselves, and maybe even manipulating them into this in their weaker moments. Despite this, Advocates will also push their children to think independently, make their own choices and establish their own beliefs.

The highest goal for Advocate parents is for their child’s choices and beliefs to culminate in a cause that they are able to act on, contributing to the world around them.

If all this independence is taken to heart, it can cause some trouble for Advocate parents though, as their children move into the naturally rebellious phase of adolescence. If Advocates’ children take a contrarian approach, adopting beliefs that violate their parents’ own well-developed principles, Advocates are likely to feel like their children are pointing out their flaws by following another path, a hurtful thing to such a sensitive personality type.

A Job Well Done

Ultimately though, Advocate parents will realize that these conflicting beliefs aren’t a sign of their failure, but of their success in raising someone who did indeed learn to form their own ideals. As they mature, Advocates’ children will also come to appreciate the combination of independence and personal responsibility they were raised with. So long as their child grows up with a firm understanding of the difference between right and wrong and is able to fight for a cause they believe in, striving to be the best they can be, Advocate parents will be satisfied with what they’ve accomplished together with their child.

ADVOCATE CAREERS

Advocates are likely to find that most corporate career paths are not designed for them, but for those focused on status and material gain. This doesn’t mean that people with the Advocate personality type struggle to see viable options though. In fact, they are likely to face the opposite problem – many Advocates struggle to begin a career early on because they see ten wildly different paths forward, each with its own intrinsic rewards, alluring but also heartbreaking, because each means abandoning so much else.

Truth, Beauty, Purpose

First and foremost, Advocates need to find meaning in their work, to know that they are helping and connecting with people – an Advocate Ferrari salesperson is a non-sequitur. This desire to help and connect makes careers in healthcare, especially the more holistic varieties, very rewarding for Advocates – roles as counselors, psychologists, doctors, life coaches and spiritual guides are all attractive options.

Advocates’ needs don’t end at meaning though – any productive work can be rationalized to be meaningful, as any productive work helps someone, somewhere. Advocates crave creativity too, the ability to use their insight to connect events and situations, effecting real change in others’ lives personally.

For Advocates, money and Employee of the Month simply won’t cut it compared to living their values and principles.

Two Roads Diverged in a Yellowed Wood

These needs are hard to meet in a corporate structure, where Advocates will be forced to manage someone else’s policies alongside their own. For this reason, people with the Advocate personality type are more likely to, despite their aversion to controlling others, establish their independence by either finding a leadership position, or simply starting their own practice. As independents, sole proprietors in the parlance of business, Advocates are free to follow their hearts, applying their personal touch, creativity and altruism to everything they do.

This is the most rewarding option for Advocates, as they will step out of the overly humble supporting and noncompetitive roles they are often drawn to, and into positions where they can grow and make a difference. Advocates often pursue expressive careers such as writing, elegant communicators that they are, and author many popular blogs, stories and screenplays. Music, photography, design and art are viable options too, and they all can focus on deeper themes of personal growth, morality and spirituality.

Where Advocates fall flat is in work focusing on impersonal concerns, mundanity, and high-profile conflict. Accounting and auditing, data analysis and routine work will leave people with the Advocate personality type fidgety and unfulfilled, and they will simply wilt under the scrutiny, criticism and pressure of courtroom prosecution and defense, corporate politics and cold-call sales. Advocates are clever, and can function in any of these fields, but to be truly happy, they need to be able to exercise their insightfulness and independence, learn and grow alongside the people they are helping, and contribute to the well-being of humanity on a personal level.

ADVOCATES IN THE WORKPLACE

Advocates have pretty tall demands when it comes to a satisfying work environment. Not only does this personality type need to be able to express their creativity and insight, Advocates need to know that what they are doing has meaning, helps people, leads to personal growth and, all the while, is in line with their values, principles and beliefs.

Oftentimes the best way for Advocates to achieve this is to not have to answer to others’ rules at all – to be their own boss, neither above nor below anyone else, just directly interacting with the people and ideas that are important to them. All that being said, Advocates are a clever and inspired group, and with a few of the right conditions, most any position can be made to work.

Advocate Subordinates

As subordinates, Advocates are likely to chafe under hardline rules, formal hierarchies and routine tasks. People with the Advocate personality type value diplomacy and sensitivity, and the more democratic and personal their manager’s style is, and the more they feel their independence and input are valued, the happier they’ll be. Advocates act on their convictions, so when they do something, it’s something that has meaning to them – if those actions come under criticism, even justified complaints, but especially unwarranted ones, their morale is likely to tank spectacularly.

A manager’s values need to be naturally aligned with their Advocate subordinates for both parties to be most effective. Though usually idealistic, if they feel in conflict, Advocates can lose touch with that sense and end up all too bitter. But if it’s a balance they can handle, with a little encouragement every now and then, Advocates will be hardworking, trustworthy, and more than capable of handling their responsibilities and professional relationships.

Advocate Colleagues

As colleagues, Advocates are likely to become quite popular, being seen as positive, eloquent and capable friends, identifying others’ motives and defusing conflicts and tension before anyone else even senses a disturbance. Advocates are likely to prioritize harmony and cooperation over ruthless efficiency, encouraging a good, hardworking atmosphere and helping others when needed. While this is usually a strength, there is a risk that others will take advantage of Advocates’ commitment to their responsibilities by simply shifting their burdens onto their more dedicated Advocate colleagues’ desks.

It should also be remembered that at the end of the day, Advocates are still Introverts (I), and their popularity isn’t always welcome – they will need to step back and act the lone wolf from time to time, pursuing their own goals in their own ways. An unhealthy version of this tendency may pop up if Advocates sense that their values are being compromised by a more ethically relaxed colleague.

Advocate Managers

As managers, Advocates are often reluctant in exercising their authority, preferring to see their subordinates as equals, coordinating and supervising people, leaving the technical systems and factual details to more capable hands, and working hard to inspire and motivate, not to crack the whip. That’s not to say that people with the Advocate personality type have lax standards – far from it – as Advocates’ sense of equality means that they expect their subordinates to be as competent, motivated and reliable as the Advocates themselves.

Though sensitive, understanding, principled and just, able to appreciate individual styles and to make accurate judgments about others’ motivations, if a subordinate’s actions or attitude undermines Advocates’ ethics or values, they will find little comfort in these qualities. Advocates have no tolerance for lapses in reliability or morality. But, so long as no such lapse occurs, Advocates will work tirelessly to ensure that their subordinates feel valued and happy.

ADVOCATE PERSONALITY – CONCLUSION

Few personality types are as passionate and mysterious as Advocates. Your imagination and empathy make you someone who not only cherishes their integrity and deeply held principles but, unlike many other idealistic types, is also capable of turning those ideals into plans, and executing them.

Yet Advocates can be easily tripped up in areas where their idealism and determination are more of a liability than an asset. Whether it is navigating interpersonal conflicts, confronting unpleasant facts, pursuing self-realization, or finding a career path that aligns well with your inner core, you may face numerous challenges that at times can even make you question who you really are.

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Stubborn Old Ladies

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So day before yesterday, about 7 in the evening, my mom started blowing up my cell phone. I had volunteered to work over so I just kept cutting off the ringer, but her face continued to dance across my screen over and over. Groaning inside, wondering who had died because of her persistence, I delayed calling her back until after I had clocked out and wolfed down a little dinner (it was after 8pm after all and I was starving!). So finally I called her back, it wasn’t Mom that answered, it was my stepdad, my mom had had a heart attack. It hit me a lot harder than I had ever imagined it would, I’ve pretty much become numb to death now, but the reality of the possibility was to say the least, unsettling. She had refused to stay in the hospital so she was home, sitting in her worn out overstuffed old lady chair, huddled under blankets, very much alive. I talked to her for only a few minutes, which was a red flag right there that she didn’t feel well and you would know that if you have EVER had the opportunity to chat with her. I called her again yesterday after work to check up on her and she sounded like her old chipper self again, sitting in front of the TV, munching on a cookie. Yay! But then another groan, she kept me on the phone for almost an hour, hence why I try to avoid her calls and limit our conversation to only once a week or so. I keep telling her she needs to learn how to text, she’d hear more from all of my brood, but she’s old fashioned I guess (But Mom, nobody TALKS anymore). So anyway, at least I know where I get my stubbornness from, I’ve had to sign that little paper before myself, the one that says you agree not to sue if you die because you ditched the hospital before they wanted you to. Mom said she had a mild heart attack, what the heck is a “mild” attack?! Your heart turns on you and causes serious problems, how can you ever conceivably call this mild? Not her first, but let’s hope her last. She said, “I may not make it through the night”, so I told her that she would positively outlive us all, but she had better keep her butt right there in that chair! She’s no spring chicken definitely, but I’ve gotten quite used to having her around, always there hovering somewhere in the background. She loves me, one of the few people in my life that I know for a fact will always love me and I love her, as crazy as she can make me sometimes and that’s probably the exact same thing my kids say about me! There’s not many of us left anymore. I tease my son and tell him that if he doesn’t have his own son one day, our family name dies with him, but no pressure! Of course I hope he waits for quite a while before he procreates, he’s only 22 and still not settled into life, but it is the truth, he is the last hope, it’s a little sad really, but I haven’t given up. There’s always a tomorrow for us all, even stubborn old ladies!

Lacey ☮

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One Day

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So in a rare moment of feeling sociable,  I agreed to help out someone and let them ask me some questions for their psychology class, no big deal, and it really wasn’t, but I did start it with a warning “Don’t ask me a direct question unless you really want a truthful answer.” You see I’ve managed to irritate quite a few people in my life by not issuing this disclaimer beforehand. So anyway, one of the questions was “What do you do that you find joy in?” I thought about it, I thought hard, digging around in my recent memories of my day to day life and my answer was… nothing. I have this website and I play a little Xbox before I go to bed and the Xbox has become more of a habit I think, something to distract me for a little while, because it’s not really fun anymore. I do enjoy my blog, but only to a point. I have great ideas when I lay down and try to sleep at night, they keep swirling around in my brain, there’s so many wonderful things that I envision for it that keeps me awake, but then when I actually sit down in front of my computer, the reality of it isn’t as easy. So the answer was really nothing and this sad look came over her face fleetingly, which made me feel kinda bad about it, but it was the truth. One thing that keeps me going is looking toward one day. That’s been my crutch for a lot of things for a long time. I see these really cool shoes (who doesn’t love new kicks?) that I know would look fabulous on me (I imagine), but I can’t afford them, so I tell myself that it’s okay, one day, I’ll have them. I hate my dead end job, but it’s okay for now because one day, I’ll find that dream job, I hate where I’m living, but it’s okay because one day, I’ll move somewhere better, my car is falling apart, but it’s okay because one day, I’ll have a new ride, etc. etc. you get the concept. The only problem is that I’m getting older now and I’m literally running out of days. How far away is one day? I don’t know, but it needs to be coming along here pretty shortly, along with time, I’m running out of steam as well, I’m getting tired folks, really tired. There is one thing that bothers me though, taking into consideration that whole “the grass is always greener” saying, if and when one day ever comes, will it be worth it? Will I still remember the dreams that I had? If I do remember and achieve them, will they still mean something to me…

Lacey ☮

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Mind Mapping

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Okay, so right off the bat let me say that this isn’t a paid review. I took this test not too long ago because it was recommended to me from another source and what I have to say about this is that it’s AWESOME! 16personalities.com amazingly, eerily accurate. I was classified as  ADVOCATE PERSONALITY (INFJ, -A/-T) and this suits me right down to the ground, are they spying on me from my underwear drawer? If you’re interested in this kind of thing, learning more about yourself, then I strongly urge you to try it for yourself, it’s eye opening and lots of fun! If you want to learn more about my particular results, they’ll be posted in another category. (Mind map or something, I haven’t quite decided, but that sucker is long enough to have it’s own zipcode! ) Peace out!

Lacey ☮

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Lois Lane…

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This is what it takes to get me to leave the sanctuary of my beloved bedroom… Food! Wonderful food that I didn’t have to cook and an outing with my honey. This is a chicken fajita omelet, it looks a little messy, but it was so yummy!

My man doesn’t realize how much I depend on him, he’s totally my security blanket, you know, like Linus from the Peanuts dragging that blue scrap around. As aggravating and ill tempered as he can be (he’s a not young Italian 😀 ), he’s become my world, my safety net, my motivation. Almost every decision I make is based on how I think he’ll receive/perceive it. I have his back (to the best of my ability) because I know that he has mine. That’s a relationship folks! It’s taken him a little time (quite a bit actually) to realize the extreme of my social anxiety and peculiar introversion because being mostly a homebody himself, it didn’t really stand out until this past year and that’s probably (definitely) a lot my fault because I simply never talked about it. It’s hard to admit to your significant other that hey, I have problems, I’m not like most of the other people that you’ve known, I’m not perfect. I don’t think he really grasped the magnitude of it at first, how hard it really is for me to socialize, how much energy it takes to get through it, how draining mentally and emotionally it is, how it can just beat the crap out of me under certain circumstances, but he’s starting to see it now and his expectation of me is changing, he’s become more understanding, more gentle (still always my best friend). As I said, my security blanket, my teddy bear, the thing that I cling to when my inner storms threaten to engulf me. Don’t get me wrong though, I’m not weak, I have a great amount of strength when the chips are down (or I’ve been pushed too far and my southern charm is replaced with the full force of my southern temper!) I’m like Superman, but even he had his kryptonite that rendered him powerless. So does that make Babe my Lois Lane?

Lacey ☮

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Doctor Doctor Give Me The News…

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I have some terrible news my friends, I’m simply devastated, I’m dying… By my own calculations, I only have about 5 months, 3 weeks and 6 days to live. Last night I went on the internet and googled my symptoms, now I’ve lost all hope, I have tinnitus and it’s driving me crazy! Some of the possible causes are vascular malformations, atherosclerosis (hardening of the arteries) and brain tumors, a lot of big words, but what all of this says to me is death! Of course it says to be checked out by your personal physician, but who can afford it? Google is so much cheaper! I will miss you all my wonderful friends (both of you) and beloved family! I’ve just about completed the writing of my will. I leave my fur babies in the gentle hands of my significant other, (they won’t mind, they like him better anyway) and my clothes and other personal treasures, I’m arranging for pick-up by a local charity, that way my children won’t have to argue over who’s going to get stuck with it all. I want my ashes stored in a lovely blue wine bottle that I’ve recently emptied. There now, I believe I’ve thought of just about every contingency. Oh woe is me!

Lacey ☮